Battling depression

[Riffster]

Anyone here or spouse fighting depression? I'm dealing with my wife who's is in the middle of a valley with it.

just curious how you or they deal with it without going nuts with frustration of wanting to help but not being able too

[Adam West]

Yes....I am dealing with a spouse with it. Depends on what type of depression it is but it sounds like it more serious than your run of the mill depression. Has she been diagnosed or diagnosed properly and is taking medication? If you are willing to share more specifics; I can give you some suggestions.

[huedell]

I might comment more in this thread, but for now, I'll just say that
your wife is lucky that she has you looking out for her.
The idea that you're able to remind her on a constant basis that you care for
her well-being seems like a great foundation for further assistance which
I wish you all the best with getting ASAP.

[Cmonster]

Ordinarily, I wouldn't post on a thread like this, but I'm going to offer some perspective here on this subject;

Personally, I feel that if there hasn't been a death in the family, or you're generally a healthy person, have all your limbs, you can see, hear, and there's a little toothpaste in the tube when you wake up in the morning to brush your teeth, you have nothing to be depressed about. You control your own feelings. If you're depressed, change your situation and go and make your life what you want to make it.

SC

[AJ Collector]

Ordinarily, I wouldn't post on a thread like this, but I'm going to offer some perspective here on this subject;

Personally, I feel that if there hasn't been a death in the family, or you're generally a healthy person, have all your limbs, you can see, hear, and there's a little toothpaste in the tube when you wake up in the morning to brush your teeth, you have nothing to be depressed about. You control your own feelings. If you're depressed, change your situation and go and make your life what you want to make it.

SC

wow.... pretty narrow minded!

[AJ Collector]

Sean we spoke about this briefly and besides getting her medical help be it psychological or other just try and be as supportive and strong as possible. Unfortunately there is no easy way out so when you feel like "why doesn't she snap out of this already" remember she has no control over her depression, no one wants things to go back to normal more then her....

Good thoughts are with you bro!

[Riffster]

yes she's been diagnosed and is on meds, however, she had stopped seeing her councelor right around the time we got married so about 8 years ago. except for minor bouts,
now she asks herself is this is all life is and has a feeling of being stuck, she has a general feeling of unhappiness.

She says she still loves me, and I love her, and have offered to go with her to therepy as she's going to start seeing her guy again. I'm willing to do pretty much anything to help her and us through this

cmonster- being depressed isn't just a bad mood it is chemical imbalance.

[jimsmegos]

If I may add... try to keep as much "happy" stuff around. For example "bubble gum" music if it doesn't get on her nerves that is, try to keep as much natural lighting as possible in the house and of course avoid any and all "news media". The world can be a depressing place if your focus falls in the wrong direction. Find the happy, feel good stuff and smile as much as you can. Not to belittle the situation at all but if there is anything you can do to "fake it till you make it" do it.

[bizzaro megomauler]

This is old hat to me, as you may know, as both a family member and a fellow sufferer. The best things to do are be supportive, and most of all kind. You married her, so I am going out on a limb here, and going to say you care for her feelings! Being stuck in a rut, is usually a touchy patch for folks like us. Best thing to do is converse, when you have interaction, the sense of being alone seems to dissapate. Next thing is to answer that question...Is this all there is to it? short and sweet, NO! the universe is filled with a great many things to explore, and try! If you never try something, no way to tell if you like it! My Doctor turned me on to a philosophy "move a muscle, change a mood" so something as simple as a nature hike, may be a good way to pump some needed freshness into her world (lord knows the change of scenery and excersise won't hurt, and it's free!) then suggest other things she might have like to have done, it could be as simple as piano lessons, or as vast as learning to fly a hellicopter! every journey begins with the first step, and anything worthwhile will take a bit of work! but it's not about the goal at all, it's the journey. If you are too busy to be depressed, and remind yourself of that, good things come of it! I am exhibit "a"

[Bizarro Amy]

yes she's been diagnosed and is on meds, however, she had stopped seeing her councelor right around the time we got married so about 8 years ago. except for minor bouts,
now she asks herself is this is all life is and has a feeling of being stuck, she has a general feeling of unhappiness.

She says she still loves me, and I love her, and have offered to go with her to therepy as she's going to start seeing her guy again. I'm willing to do pretty much anything to help her and us through this

cmonster- being depressed isn't just a bad mood it is chemical imbalance.

Getting her back to counselling is the first step, and kudos to you for offering to go along. That way you not only show her your commitment, but you hear what the doctor has to say first-hand and can help her follow through. Definitely keep reassuring her that you want to help. If she has been on the same meds for a while and hasn't been to counselling lately, one possibility is that she needs a change in medication. It's sometimes hard to tell what changes these drugs cause, and as the other chemical levels in your body change, so can your reaction to medicine. You had mentioned in your original post that she stopped seeing her counsellor around 8 years ago, around the time you were married. I don't know how old you and your wife are, but it is possible that there's some pre-menopausal issues happening in conjunction with your wife's depression?

[HardyGirl]

I really hope your wife gets the help she needs (medication, counseling, whatever), and you'll continue to stick by her. Good luck to both of you.

And Sandy, if she has a chemical imbalance, she may not be able to help the way she feels.

[Donkey Hoatie]

My wife has been dealing with depression for the past 6 or so years. In all honesty, I wouldn't wish this sort of situation on anyone. The frustration of not being able to help the person you care about most in the world is beyond belief.

One thing that worked for us was being completely honest. As much as you want that other person to be happy, there would be times when I had to say some pretty difficult things to her regarding her behavior. So yeah, the situation may get worse before it gets better.

Another thing is to remember there are many different types of medication to treat depression. It is up to your spouse and her doctor to work on finding one that works best for her. Each one comes with a unique set of side effects, some of which are hard to deal with. My wife had to try 3 or 4 different medications before settling on her current one.

After six years, my wife felt like she was ready to go off her meds. She's been working with her doctor to wean herself off the ones she was on. She's in the final stages right now of her last prescription. I'm still not sure how I feel about all this, but she seems to feel it's the best thing for her, so I'm doing everything I can to support her.

I wish you all the luck with the journey you're about to go through. PM me any time for more info.

[Brazoo]

Ordinarily, I wouldn't post on a thread like this, but I'm going to offer some perspective here on this subject;

Personally, I feel that if there hasn't been a death in the family, or you're generally a healthy person, have all your limbs, you can see, hear, and there's a little toothpaste in the tube when you wake up in the morning to brush your teeth, you have nothing to be depressed about. You control your own feelings. If you're depressed, change your situation and go and make your life what you want to make it.

SC

I honestly think it's exactly the other way around. Being depressed after someone dies is normal. Clinical Depression isn't the same thing.

The problem is that more and more friends of mine getting Adavan or Xanax to deal with tangible problems in their life and it makes me very angry. I've seen friends get dependent on this kind of medication and it's bad news.

So in that sense I think it's over-diagnosed, and I can totally see how this type of over-diagnosis makes people like Cmonster skeptical of the diagnosis in general.

Riffster - I wish you and you're wife well, and I'm sorry to hear about your problems.

[Cmonster]

So in that sense I think it's over-diagnosed, and I can totally see how this type of over-diagnosis makes people like Cmonster skeptical of the diagnosis in general.

I'm not skeptical. Not a doctor either... Chemical or otherwise... Don't know. I think most people misunderstood my post, which is what I was afraid of. I'm not insensitive, nor do I take it lightly. My post simply meant that I personally believe that we are in control of our own feelings... For someone to say that they wake up every day and feel depressed because of a chemical imbalance, is just something I personally cannot relate to, that's all. Not judging anyone or anything like that.

I sincerely hope your wife feels better, man.

SC

[Riffster]

more info- she's 38, and the reason she stopped seeing her Dr. was she felt better, however she has stayed on meds. Zoloft i believe, I've been reading a ton about this recently and hope all it is is the fact it's been a long time since her meds were adjusted.