What's Wrong With Me?

[Brown Bear]

I’m going to front load this message by apologizing for both the length and the content. I’m not looking for your sympathy or any kind of help nor do I feel I’m entitled to it or expecting any sort of reaction. Getting these thoughts down on paper is more for me to “get it out of my system”. I'm sharing these thoughts here because I feel this is a safe place to do so, I do have a handful of real friends here, and hopefully take away some useful advice. I am a personal person who doesn’t like broadcasting my business, but the Museum is sort of ambiguous enough. No one here lives in my neighbourhood or speaks to my family. I also thought long and hard about it because I hate being on a the receiving end of sympathy. All that said, here goes……

I hate slapping labels on things but I guess you may say I’ve been depressed. Everyone’s had a hard time with covid, but these past few months have been nothing but negativity in my life. My brother was in a bad car accident last month and could have died. He broke his sternum, enlarged spleen and now yesterday caught pneumonia. His 10yr old cat also died this week and was found by his little girl. He’s not doing well and I’m worried about him.

My 86yr old neighbour has quickly developed dementia and I’ve been over to her place checking on her more and more, watching her get worse. I tried working out again and sprained my wrist back in August and it still hasn’t healed. My new job was going great and has recently become a bit cut throat – which was exactly what I was trying to get away from. My parents have health problems and are aging. My twin boys are at the age where they don’t care to continue our family traditions during October and ignore me all the time, which is perfectly normal for teenagers, but it stinks.

But here’s the thing. My family for the most part is healthy and getting along. No one is dying. I’m financially secure and my books are selling like crazy. I really AM a lucky man and shouldn’t be complaining about anything. That’s what confuses me. In recent weeks I’ve noticed my level of giving a crap has diminished. I’m not finding joy in things I used to. I could care less about watching monster movies or new Mego announcements or working on book #3. I’m not sure why as I usually gain so much pleasure from this. I just feel bummed out and miserable. I’m not sleeping and my temper is short. I'm in a constant state of exhausted.

I will say this. My life is so busy I feel like I’m in a Groundhog Day movie. Get up. Work. Supper. TV. Bed. Repeat, Mon-Fri with little to no fun. Weekends are spent trying to convince the kids to spend time with me while respecting what they want to do. I can’t seem to think of anything to do that will be fun and am going through the motions. My wife asked "what do you wanna do for you" and I honestly couldn't think of anything. I love my family with all my heart and thank God every day, but I’m in some sort of funk and having trouble getting back. This really isn't my personality; it's a foreign feeling and I don't like it.

Have any of you ever been through this? How’d you get out of it? I just feel like hitting my heavy bag, screaming or getting drunk or just go to bed and avoid everyone.

I sincerely appreciate you reading this.

BB

[Mikey]

You are aging, like us all

Great to hear you're bringing your family onboard with you.

Drugs and drink is never the solution

Cuddle up with your honey and reassure her everything is going to be ok

[Brown Bear]

You are aging, like us all

Great to hear you're bringing your family onboard with you.

Drugs and drink is never the solution

Cuddle up with your honey and reassure her everything is going to be ok

Thanks. I've been consciously keeping my family out of the loop and dealing with this internally. I mentioned to my wife in passing, but no need for her to worry.

[LonnieFisher]

I'm sorry you're feeling depressed. I don't have any helpful advice. I hope you can shake off the funk your life is causing you. I hope you feel better.

[Earth 2 Chris]

Sorry to hear that Jason. I've been dealing with some very similar issues as well, but things haven't been as rosey for my family in the last several years. It came to a head a few months ago, and while I think things have improved, I fear we may get back to that point again at any moment. Not really comfortable airing that here, but I get it. The job I have had for 21 years has taken a dramatic turn for the worse in the last year as well.

I would recommend talking to someone. I'm almost at that point myself. I'm managing right now, but some days, it's really rough. I do honestly feel like I'm entering some kind of mid-life crisis, even though I'm trying desperately not to give into that old trope. I don't know if that's what is going on with you, but it's very possible. Luckily, I can still walk away and have some fun, and enjoy my hobbies, and my family downtime, at least.

I will say your books have brought me a lot of joy, as has your Mego work. I know that at the end of the day that doesn't change how YOU feel, but just know you are doing some good out there for others.

Chris

[palitoy]

There is nothing wrong with being depressed, don't beat yourself up. We've all been through a very rough patch and whether we like it or not, we've got some bumps and bruises. I struggle with depression every day, I have a great family and life too but it's a terribly tricky business.

The worst thing you can do is to be upset, wanna do nothing all weekend? do it. It's ok.

[palitoy]

I would recommend talking to someone.

I've been in therapy for four years, it's changed my life for the better in many ways. I'm proud of going, people will go to the gym for their bodies but we should spend some time working on our mind too.

[Mego-Amigo]

Thanks for sharing this here Brown Bear. I do understand the pressures of work, family and just life in general can be very trying sometimes especially in the current environment we're living in. I'm struggling with just being alone right now since I have no children and my wife is currently in Peru visiting family and dealing with some health issues. I have my hobbies that I greatly enjoy. My Christian faith alone though is what gets me through and keeps me sane.It's the only thing to truly fill that emptiness. I will be praying for you and my other friends here at the museum.

[ToyTalk]

Thanks. I've been consciously keeping my family out of the loop and dealing with this internally. I mentioned to my wife in passing, but no need for her to worry.

Keeping this from your wife is the worst move you can make. She should know what is going on and how you feel. Maybe she can't help, but maybe she can. If nothing else, she is your friend and partner. She needs to know. It's a trust issue. May I ask, how old are you?

[mike69]

I'm kinda in the same situation myself! The world for the last year and half has been very scary and depressing. I think this has put a toll on must of us. I'm hoping that things will start turning around for the better here soon!!!

[powersthatbe]

I think it's aging primarily. I am thankful I have a loving family and making good money now but I don't get the same joy out of my hobby anymore like comics and toys. I'm kind of overwhelmed because everything comes at you so fast it's oversaturation I just canceled a bunch of pre orders on bbts. Of course Covid these past two years but that affects everybody. I am so beat at the end of my work day. I am 52 and weigh 285 ( i am 6 feet and 4 inches) and i have bad legs(I had vericose veins stripped in my legs a few times) and a bad left foot(arthritis) and i see my folks(who are pretty well at their age, my dad has mobility issues and my mom has macular degeneration but both are mentally keen as can be at 84 and 82) losing friends and friends who are sick now( also although i love fall when the weather gets more dark and cold out i get a little more down.and with inflation affecting affecting the prices of things we love and need that's also a downer(

[Goblin19]

I’ve suffered from depression on and off for years. It finally got to the point where I was not pulling out of it several years ago. At that point, I finally decided I needed help. That’s the only advice I can give is when you feel you need the help, go get it. Finally admitting that I couldn’t fix me all by myself was a turning point. It has made feel better overall, though I still have my lapses and lulls.

[Nostalgiabuff]

i'm sorry you are going through this. but don't do it alone. talk to your wife. if nothing else it helps to put it into words.
I think most people go through similar feelings at our age. it's the toll of life and career. after a while we just feel burned out. I hope your brother is doing better. My youngest daughter was in a bad car accident last month and spent 8 days in the hospital with broken ribs and internal bleeding issues. she's okay now, thank god.
as far as work, corporate America has seriously taken a turn for the worse in the last decade. we are all nothing more than production cows to the powers that be. something has to give. i am actually planning on resigning from my job of 25 years in a few months, when they make the most drastic changes yet to my job and how it is done. I am just sick of it all and ready to move on from it

[drquest]

I appreciate you coming here to share, as it is sometimes difficult to communicate that to the people we see everyday even our spouse. I have three kids(two teens), and they are all doing their own things as well and although we are proud they are navigating through life not having your sidekicks next to you is painful.

Honestly at 51 I'm finding even more than ever that life is hard... I lament back on when my wife and I were just starting out and there were struggles, mostly financially but we had fun everyday. Now 26 years later and three kids it's still fun but it's much harder than it was back then. The company I've been with for 23 years pays well and I keep busy, but a 3 hour a day commute feels like it's killing me and there's always that chance in the back of my mind that poof it all goes away. Add in my daughter's wedding we are planning and financing for next year, and some minor health things that make you pause and reflect on things.

I don't share much personal stuff normally, but wanted to express what a lot of other have shared above that I think we do understand and can relate at some level. With that, I do think this type of thing just builds on itself over time and taking time for yourself is very important. Our hobbies and distractions can only do so much and I find my interest is waining on those too. Counseling can help separate those layers and take down what seems to be a mountain down to a much more manageable size.

[PNGwynne]

I'm glad you've shared with us. I suspect I understand why you don't like sympathy, but sharing your feelings--giving and accepting empathy--is much more healing than sympathy can ever be. I think some good advice has been offered here, too--communication foremost.

Take care, J. You are not alone, either here or personally.