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I just found this (fairly long, sorry!) list of "things hollywood has taught us".
Can you think of any other (of the many, many) hollywood cliches?
*A hoodlum won't attempt to stab you until after doing some sort of intimidating gesture with the knife.
*Young urban singles frequently live in highly affordable big-city lofts approximately the size of a Trailways terminal.
*No matter how old the unsolved murder case, there's always just enough in the easily located old evidence box to solve the mystery with modern forensic methods.
*All confined mental patients are ungroomed and unattractive, except one young lady in for her nymphomania and the patient who thinks he's actually part of the hospital staff.
*The average delivered pizza costs roughly $24.
*Not one U.S. Marine ever left the Corp and became lazy, sloppy, left-leaning, out of condition or incapable of single-handedly winning a barroom brawl. Not one!
*Every single prisoner participates in homosexual acts, voluntarily or otherwise...unless they were arrested before color film became standard.
*Care to doff the imported suit for a mid-workday highly competitive round of squash or sexual encounter with a coworker? Go right ahead, the boss won't mind.
*If two bickering detectives (who actually really like each other) arrive on a scene, the nerdier/A-type one will struggle to gain entry--until the other breezes right in through an unlocked door or window, smug wisecrack optional.
*To gain employment as a prison guard, one must be corrupt, cruel or both.
*Professional writers prefer manual typewriters, the better to dramatically tear out an unsatisfactory page to be balled up and tossed in the vague general direction of a trash can loaded with more of the same. Satisfied writers, conversely, tap out several paragraphs in a matter of seconds, using the two-finger method and ignoring the space bar.
*Walls literally close in on panic-stricken claustrophobics.
*While reviewing videotapes with peers, it is the duty of one detective to shout, "There! Back it up a little bit" and point out a minute, fleeting detail of immense importance.
*You may be near bankruptcy, but don't give up--that oil well will strike pay dirt. (Jubilant person drenched in crude oil mandatory.)
*High-salaried businessmen return alone from the office to their swank self-cleaning but impersonal apartments between ten pm and midnight daily, unwinding with two fingers of imported scotch on the rocks.
*Drop by an auto lot, drive away in your new wheels within 34 seconds.
*Getting pistol-whipped may knock you out in one blow, but it won't break your jaw, loosen teeth or even leave a bruise.
*Every male on Earth is an excellent pool shooter...just not as good as the sexy woman he mocked before the game.
*Assuming victory and gleefully beginning to scoop in poker chips guarantees another player has a better hand.
*The "the black guy has to put their mission on hold for a moment to instruct the white square how to be cool" rule is waived if the latter grew up in one of the outer boroughs of NYC.
*Backwoods towns consist of a shady sheriff with whom the locals cheerfully co-conspire, and a slow-witted dental nightmare who works "down yonder at the fillin' station," the only feller NOT flirted-with by the bored, half-looped
wife of the most powerful man in town.
*The Soviet gunman's pastime is cigarette-smoking.
*Never jettison anything while being tracked by another man. Even if you spill a saltshaker in the Sahara, the pursuer will find it, most frequently with the naked eye.
*The more proficient you become at a highly specialized form of surgery, the more acceptable it is to be arrogant and rude to coworkers.
*No speeding police car has ever hit a pedestrian.
*Every Frenchman who has learned to speak broken English can offer surefire advice about l'amore.
*It takes as many as four attempts to guess the password needed to hack into even the most sophisticated computer network.
*It's easier to ward off a gang of ninjas than to defeat just one.
*Raised by a violent drunk? Be sure to bring it up whenever someone mentions his or her childhood, using the "old man" euphemism for your father.
*Volleyball-size bags of gold weigh approximately four pounds; gold bricks, slightly less.
*It's IMPOSSIBLE for a man who uses tools for a living to appreciate and be exceptionally versed in anything falling under the "fine arts and the classics" umbrella. Just impossible.
*No millionaire's offspring defended by a high-priced legal team is legitimately innocent of whatever the charges are against him.
*Cab fare comes to whatever cash you have in your hand at the exact moment the ride ends.
*Guilty suspects being interviewed by law enforcers take their lawyer's "My client has nothing further to say" to mean "Blurt out something they can hang you with."
*There are these nightclubs with special acoustics wherein one can speak at normal volume and still be heard over a live band.
*Modest universities sell pennants that merely read "State," and every male teen born before 1965 has one pinned up in his bedroom.
*Drats, the kidnapper/mad bomber hung up the phone a split-second before the eavesdropping police could finish tracing the call.
*Double drats, the vain villain bragged long enough to get a trace on his call, but he's technically savvy enough to make his signal bounce from Laos, France and Peru.
*If you're pure of heart, you'll never explode upon clipping a time bomb's colored wire at the last second.
*American-born Caucasian males are banned from driving cabs in major U.S. cities. By incredible coincidence, each taxi randomly selected by a Yank overseas is the one driven by the local man who happens to speaks English.
*Whoopee is almost always made with the woman on top throughout and the room well-lit.
*Conventional wisdom dictates keeping a full water tumbler on the nightstand. It will come in handy for a calming sip after being jolted into a sit-up by a nightmare.
*If you knock someone out, his uniform will fit you perfectly.
*Should a disaster be resolved within 75 minutes...it's not.
*Trapped behind enemy lines? Relax--though it defies a direct order from the top and means a sure demotion, a high-ranking military pilot will unflinchingly sacrifice his entire career to rescue one of his "boys." He will
also disobey commands and NOT fire upon a target if you just make a radio appeal to his humanitarian nature.
*Certain computer keyboards are made by castanet manufacturers and hence they are far noisier than the ones you've used.
*Nonchalantly dump those empty automatic weapon magazines. The guy at the bullet shop keeps a big barrelful of free replacements.
Semi-weak extras:
*Only the funny and male get flatulence.
*If there is a roadside puddle, some hapless soul is going to be wearing it
after a vehicle splashes through (within 20 seconds.)
*World War II regulations required a Brooklyn native in each platoon. Oh,
how he misses "dem bums, the Dodgers."
Can you think of any other (of the many, many) hollywood cliches?
*A hoodlum won't attempt to stab you until after doing some sort of intimidating gesture with the knife.
*Young urban singles frequently live in highly affordable big-city lofts approximately the size of a Trailways terminal.
*No matter how old the unsolved murder case, there's always just enough in the easily located old evidence box to solve the mystery with modern forensic methods.
*All confined mental patients are ungroomed and unattractive, except one young lady in for her nymphomania and the patient who thinks he's actually part of the hospital staff.
*The average delivered pizza costs roughly $24.
*Not one U.S. Marine ever left the Corp and became lazy, sloppy, left-leaning, out of condition or incapable of single-handedly winning a barroom brawl. Not one!
*Every single prisoner participates in homosexual acts, voluntarily or otherwise...unless they were arrested before color film became standard.
*Care to doff the imported suit for a mid-workday highly competitive round of squash or sexual encounter with a coworker? Go right ahead, the boss won't mind.
*If two bickering detectives (who actually really like each other) arrive on a scene, the nerdier/A-type one will struggle to gain entry--until the other breezes right in through an unlocked door or window, smug wisecrack optional.
*To gain employment as a prison guard, one must be corrupt, cruel or both.
*Professional writers prefer manual typewriters, the better to dramatically tear out an unsatisfactory page to be balled up and tossed in the vague general direction of a trash can loaded with more of the same. Satisfied writers, conversely, tap out several paragraphs in a matter of seconds, using the two-finger method and ignoring the space bar.
*Walls literally close in on panic-stricken claustrophobics.
*While reviewing videotapes with peers, it is the duty of one detective to shout, "There! Back it up a little bit" and point out a minute, fleeting detail of immense importance.
*You may be near bankruptcy, but don't give up--that oil well will strike pay dirt. (Jubilant person drenched in crude oil mandatory.)
*High-salaried businessmen return alone from the office to their swank self-cleaning but impersonal apartments between ten pm and midnight daily, unwinding with two fingers of imported scotch on the rocks.
*Drop by an auto lot, drive away in your new wheels within 34 seconds.
*Getting pistol-whipped may knock you out in one blow, but it won't break your jaw, loosen teeth or even leave a bruise.
*Every male on Earth is an excellent pool shooter...just not as good as the sexy woman he mocked before the game.
*Assuming victory and gleefully beginning to scoop in poker chips guarantees another player has a better hand.
*The "the black guy has to put their mission on hold for a moment to instruct the white square how to be cool" rule is waived if the latter grew up in one of the outer boroughs of NYC.
*Backwoods towns consist of a shady sheriff with whom the locals cheerfully co-conspire, and a slow-witted dental nightmare who works "down yonder at the fillin' station," the only feller NOT flirted-with by the bored, half-looped
wife of the most powerful man in town.
*The Soviet gunman's pastime is cigarette-smoking.
*Never jettison anything while being tracked by another man. Even if you spill a saltshaker in the Sahara, the pursuer will find it, most frequently with the naked eye.
*The more proficient you become at a highly specialized form of surgery, the more acceptable it is to be arrogant and rude to coworkers.
*No speeding police car has ever hit a pedestrian.
*Every Frenchman who has learned to speak broken English can offer surefire advice about l'amore.
*It takes as many as four attempts to guess the password needed to hack into even the most sophisticated computer network.
*It's easier to ward off a gang of ninjas than to defeat just one.
*Raised by a violent drunk? Be sure to bring it up whenever someone mentions his or her childhood, using the "old man" euphemism for your father.
*Volleyball-size bags of gold weigh approximately four pounds; gold bricks, slightly less.
*It's IMPOSSIBLE for a man who uses tools for a living to appreciate and be exceptionally versed in anything falling under the "fine arts and the classics" umbrella. Just impossible.
*No millionaire's offspring defended by a high-priced legal team is legitimately innocent of whatever the charges are against him.
*Cab fare comes to whatever cash you have in your hand at the exact moment the ride ends.
*Guilty suspects being interviewed by law enforcers take their lawyer's "My client has nothing further to say" to mean "Blurt out something they can hang you with."
*There are these nightclubs with special acoustics wherein one can speak at normal volume and still be heard over a live band.
*Modest universities sell pennants that merely read "State," and every male teen born before 1965 has one pinned up in his bedroom.
*Drats, the kidnapper/mad bomber hung up the phone a split-second before the eavesdropping police could finish tracing the call.
*Double drats, the vain villain bragged long enough to get a trace on his call, but he's technically savvy enough to make his signal bounce from Laos, France and Peru.
*If you're pure of heart, you'll never explode upon clipping a time bomb's colored wire at the last second.
*American-born Caucasian males are banned from driving cabs in major U.S. cities. By incredible coincidence, each taxi randomly selected by a Yank overseas is the one driven by the local man who happens to speaks English.
*Whoopee is almost always made with the woman on top throughout and the room well-lit.
*Conventional wisdom dictates keeping a full water tumbler on the nightstand. It will come in handy for a calming sip after being jolted into a sit-up by a nightmare.
*If you knock someone out, his uniform will fit you perfectly.
*Should a disaster be resolved within 75 minutes...it's not.
*Trapped behind enemy lines? Relax--though it defies a direct order from the top and means a sure demotion, a high-ranking military pilot will unflinchingly sacrifice his entire career to rescue one of his "boys." He will
also disobey commands and NOT fire upon a target if you just make a radio appeal to his humanitarian nature.
*Certain computer keyboards are made by castanet manufacturers and hence they are far noisier than the ones you've used.
*Nonchalantly dump those empty automatic weapon magazines. The guy at the bullet shop keeps a big barrelful of free replacements.
Semi-weak extras:
*Only the funny and male get flatulence.
*If there is a roadside puddle, some hapless soul is going to be wearing it
after a vehicle splashes through (within 20 seconds.)
*World War II regulations required a Brooklyn native in each platoon. Oh,
how he misses "dem bums, the Dodgers."
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