CTVT Blue frankie MOC FREE contest

[spaceace35]

There was a man who computed his taxes for 1998 and discovered that he owed $3407. He packaged up his payment and included this letter:
Dear IRS:

Enclosed is my 2008 Tax Return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.

Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029). This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return.

Might I suggest you the send the above mentioned fund a "1.5 inch screw." (See attached article...HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely,

A satisfied taxpayer

[GreenLantern9999]

Ok three Nuns are standing at the gates of heaven and are met by St. Peter. St. Peter says "Hi ladies I am sorry to say Heaven is a little full so we have taken to requiring people to pass a test but since you three are in our service I will take it easy on you. All you have to do is answer your question correctly and the lights will flash the bells will ring and the gates will open. Ready ladies?" They all nod there heads and the first steps up to the gates. Peter asks "What was the name of the first man on earth?" She quickly replies "That's an easy one! Adam of course." And the bells rang the lights flashed and the gates opened and she happily walked in. The second Nun stepped up to the gate. Peter then asked "What was the name of the first woman on earth?" she quickly replies "That's an easy one! Eve of course." And the bells rang the lights flashed and the gates opened and she happily walked in. The final Nun walks up to the gate. Peter asked her "What was the first thing Eve ever said to Adam?" The Nun shook her head and said "Hmm that is a hard one." And the bells rang the lights flashed and the gates opened.

Not sure how appropriate it is but I used to tell it in the 6th grade so there you go

[boss]

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

[Overkill]

What's worst than liver?

Liverwurst

(insert cricket noises)

[txteach]

Winners!

1st place- Batmex1

2nd place- Kisscash

3ed place- Merlin 1976

Thanks for playing. Send your address for prizes.

[Hector]

Two men that have worked for the same mean old boss for many years decide to take him to lunch one afternoon in the hopes that he will chill out a little. As they are walking down the sidewalk, they see an old oil lamp on the ground. One of the men picks up the lamp and brushes some of the dirt from the side. POOF, a genie appears and says" I have been imprisoned in that horrible lamp for a thousand years. I am so grateful that I will grant each of you one wish" The first man says " I want to be on a deserted island with 10 of the most beautiful girls in the world with all the food and comforts I can stand for the rest of my life" POOF, the man disappears. The second man says " I want to be the most powerful King in the world, with all the riches and power that goes along with it" POOF, the man disappears. Finally, its the boss's turn. The genie asks him, "what is your wish, sir?" The boss replies, " I wish those two back at their desks after lunch"

Oh man, txteach chose correctly, this one is a great one, lol.

[ozcollector1992]

That was funny
LoLOLolOLOL

[Batmex1]

Joke

Thanks for the chance to play......there were some funny ones!!! Txteach PM sent. Thanks again......the contests rock!!!

[mitchedwards]

Thanks for the fun game.

[fallensaviour]

It's late but here is one you can use anyway...I love this one.Being Canadian we feel it is our right to pick on Newfies so feel free to change this to whatever you want.Since you are in Texas you could change it to a canadian guy if you want here it goes...

A REAL NEWFIE GHOST STORY
This happened in a little town, Norris Arm, in Newfoundland, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's absolutely true.

This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a terrible rainstorm, and no cars were on the road. The storm was so strong the guy could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly,he saw a car come toward him and stop.The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the
door and only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel!
The car started to move very slowly.The guy looked at the road and
saw a curve coming his way. Petrified, he started to pray, begging for his life.He had not come out of shock when, just before the car hit the
curve, a hand suddenly appeared through the window and moved the steering wheel. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time the car was approaching a curve.Finally, although terrified, the guy managed to open the door and jump out of the spooky car.Without looking back, the guy ran through the storm all the way to the nearest town. Soaking wet exhausted and in a state of utter shock the
pale, visibly shaken guy, walked into a nearby bar and asked for
two shots of Screech.
Then, still trembling with fright, he started telling everybody in the bar about the horrible experience he just went through with the spooky car
with no driver and the mysterious hand that kept appearing.
Everyone in the bar listed in silence and became frightened,listening to this eerie story, hairs stood on end when they realized the guy was
telling the truth because he was crying and he definitely was not drunk!

About half an hour later two guys walked into the same bar and one
said to the other, 'Lard Thundern Jasus, me son, there's the
arsehole who got into the car while we were pushing it!