CTVT Blue frankie MOC FREE contest

[txteach]

Here goes, you get a free limited edition Blue frankie if you win. Here goes, I teach 8th grade and love to tell jokes in class. The person who posts the funniest age approprate joke wins. Second place gets a moc hotwheels batmobile. third place will get some of my extra cards.

The rules- one joke per post and past winners can play. You may donate your prize to the megomuseum raffle box of stuff I'm sending Saturday if you win. If not that's cool too. The contest ends at 10:14 pm central standard time on friday. I WILL ship overseas too (think of a good joke Thomas and others)

[Merlyn1976]

A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.

Suddenly, the pilot ran back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

"I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.

"I'm the smartest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

At this point, the Pope began to speak to the Pizza delivery boy. "I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane."

"You don't have to do that, replied the pizza delivery guy. Bill Gates just jumped out with my backpack!"

[bagmonster]

What is another name for somebody else's cheese?

Nacho cheese. (Notchyo cheese...not yo cheese...not your cheese. Get it?)

[kisscash]

A guy goes to a psychiatrist in the hopes of alleviating his confusion.

"I don't know what's going on", he tells the doctor. "I don't know if I'm a wigwam or a teepee".

He continues, "I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee". "Doctor, what do I do? What is wrong with me?"

The psychiatrist thinks for a moment, and suddenly snaps his fingers. "I know what's wrong with you! You're too tense".


I am here all week !

Ca$h

[UnderdogDJLSW]

A city guy is driving through the mid-west when his car engine overheats and dies. While he is out of the car and looking under the hood, a horse walks up to him and says out loud and in English "Why don't you check the carburetor?" The city guy freaks out and just starts running through the fields, when he happens upon a farmer. Seeing the farmer the city guys shrieks, "That horse just spoke to me! It told me to check my carburetor!" "He did!!??!!" answers the farmer, "Well, I wouldn't believe it, he don't know too much about cars."

[SlipperyLilSuckers]

Don't Fart in Bed

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of Farting loudly every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to blast them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, 'Honey, you were right.' 'All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.'

'What do you mean?' asked his wife.

'Well, you always told me that one day I would end up Farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.'

[Adam West]

An oldie but a goodie...

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."

[megocrazy]

A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course,
the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the
biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.'

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.

A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?'

'Uh...yeah! sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.

'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.'

'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'

'No problem,' said the genie. 'You've got it, it's the least I can do.
And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'
'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.
'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every
country in the world,' she said.

'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'
'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'
'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right.
Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'

'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. 'I'd do the same for you!'

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of nonstop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, 'How old are you and your husband?'

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.
'No kidding,' he said. 'Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?'

[mitchedwards]

My 6th grade teacher told me this joke. For some reason I still remember it.

A man is sent to prison. One of the rules is no talking at lunch.

At his first lunch they are eating and one inmate shouts out 23. The whole lunch room breaks up laughing. Another inmate shouts out 251, again the lunch room breaks up laughing.

After lunch the man asks his cellmate what happened.

The cellmate explained there is a joke book in the prison library. All the prisoners have memorized the joke book. The warden has allowed them to shout out page numbers of their favorite jokes.

Over the next few weeks the man studies and memorizes the whole joke book.

At the next lunch the man decides to tell some jokes. He shouts out 321. Silence. He shouts out 12, again silence...

After lunch he asked his celmate why no one laughed at the funniest jokes in the book.

His cellmate replied, well, some folks just can't tell a joke

[Mego Milk]

How do you catch a "unique" rabbit?
"Unique" up on him!

How do you catch a tame one?
The tame way!

[Batmex1]

Jokes

Two men that have worked for the same mean old boss for many years decide to take him to lunch one afternoon in the hopes that he will chill out a little. As they are walking down the sidewalk, they see an old oil lamp on the ground. One of the men picks up the lamp and brushes some of the dirt from the side. POOF, a genie appears and says" I have been imprisoned in that horrible lamp for a thousand years. I am so grateful that I will grant each of you one wish" The first man says " I want to be on a deserted island with 10 of the most beautiful girls in the world with all the food and comforts I can stand for the rest of my life" POOF, the man disappears. The second man says " I want to be the most powerful King in the world, with all the riches and power that goes along with it" POOF, the man disappears. Finally, its the boss's turn. The genie asks him, "what is your wish, sir?" The boss replies, " I wish those two back at their desks after lunch"

[Brown Bear]

Why did Tigger look in the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh.

[Brown Bear]

Don't sweat the petty stuff.......pet the sweaty stuff.

[Mikey]

A horse walks into a bar

Bartender says, why the long face ?

[spaceace35]

Leroy goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. After awhile, the preacher asks anyone with needs to be prayed over to come forward to the front of the altar. Leroy gets in line and when it's his turn, the preacher asks, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replies, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays. After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

"Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend. It's not until next Wednesday."