Divorced dads with kids!

[txteach]

I share custody of my daughter 50/50. I wanted 100% but that didn't happen. Well my girl has been gone 2 weeks and I miss her something awful! How do you guys who do not have custody do it. I would go to the ends of the world for my daughter. She is my life. Even my girlfriend misses my daughter when she is with the other parent. This is a serious question! I agonize without her! I turuly do not understand dead beat dads. I'd go to the ends of the earth, give up everything for my daughter. Luckily I have an amazing girlfriend that would also.

[BOTZWANA]

It tore my father up too. That is why I vowed to NEVER have kids that could go through that. So I married a girl in her fifties.

It tore me up too to have to go with mommie dearest. My mother is the devil incarnate. Screwed me up for a LONG time. I used to look at mothers holding their kids and hugging them wondering why...All I had known is crap from Nyda.

[jimsmegos]

Mego's. Customizing. Re- Mego's. Whatever you can do to distract yourself.

It always sucks.

[Adam West]

How old is your daughter again? Is there any possible way to be civilized with your ex- and make arrangements to see your daughter once a week even if it is to go out to dinner or spend an hour or so of quality time with her and vice versa? That's the arrangement my sister-in-law and ex brother-in-law did. They also allowed the other spouse to talk to their kids or text them while in the custody of one another. Right now might not be the best time to arrange that sort of deal with all that you have been through but hopefully, at some point both of you will realize that it is important that both parents have regular contact with their children.

[CaptainTrenchcoat]

I know what you're going through. Recently divorced with 3 boys, 10, 12, and 14. Before the split, they would spend weekends away with their mom at various family functions. So I was used to them being away for small trips. We have a unique set up though. the boys spend the majority of the school year with me and every other weekend with their mom. In the summer it switches to the majority of the time with her and every other weekend with me. My ex is teacher and has the time off. I don't. So it makes sense for her to have them more time in the summer. The down side is I get all the homework, parent teacher conferences and field trips. She gets vacations and fun stuff during the summer. But it all works out.

Just make the most of the time you have with them.

[megojim]

John,
You know where I stand on this. To be honest there is nothing you can do about that empty feeling. I use/d to be the best parent I can be to my son when we are together. That doesn't mean I pander to him when we are together. Unfortunately I have to be the "bad cop" most of the time because his mom lets him do anything he wants. If you try to be their buddy instead of the parent the need they will not respect you.

anyway to be more specific to your question, call her everyday while she is away. Tell her that you love her and when she comes home make the most of the time you do have her.

-jim

[supercrazy]

My situation is alot different. My wife and I are separated. We haven't got divorced yet. It was bad though. She left me for partying and young guys. I see my kids right now as much as I want which is good. I don't go out or anything and would rather spend my time with them. I have four kids with her. The only problem is when we get mad she threatens me that she is not going to let me see them. I get upset because they are my kids too and I would never do that to her. When everything happened between us my work did not want to give me time off so I took it anyway. I needed to be with my kids at that time and that is what I did. I also would do anything for them. Kids are beautiful. You can get mad at them and they will still look at you and smile. What would we do without them.

[MIB41]

John, if you need to see her more, I would go back to court and set up a better visitation schedule. I also want to take this opportunity to tell you how refreshing it is to hear your words about your daughter. That is awesome. I have raised a step daughter who's dad is the scum of the earth. He was suppose to have her every other weekend. Then that got to be 'too much'. So then he only saw her for a couple of hours every other Sunday. That became "difficult". Now neither one have anything to do with each other. She's 16 now and hasn't seen him in probably six months straight. And his rejection has done irreparable harm to her self confidence, despite anything I have done through her life. And I've been with her since she was two years old. What I would say to you is this - Your daughter loves you and misses you. How you love her will determine what kind of men she chooses in her life. Leave your disagreements with your x-wife out of her visits. NEVER say anything bad about her mom, even if it's completely justified. Just focus on your daughter when she is with you and she will filter the rest as she gets older. Support her when she makes mistakes and encourage her when she falls short in other areas of life. Your impact will be greater because she doesn't see you every day. So what you say cuts deeper and instills itself in her sense of self-worth. Keep your chin up buddy. Your daughter loves you and she's lucky to have a dad like you. Stay strong for her.

[david_b]

I must confess, I am blessed with not having any children with my Mrs.. It's on the rocks with us, so the lawyers are pleased that there isn't an issue there.

Not having kids ('cept for my neice and nephew, which think of me as their Dad sometimes..), I cannot comment other than to agree to call as often as possible.

Any kind of re-affirming you can provide their confidence and stability will reap many, many rewards. Despite your present hardship, you sir are blessed.

[Steeler80]

It is a tough time. I've recently gone through a divorce myself. We did pretty good at working through the financial and custody parts of it (I see her everyday for a couple of hours and keep her two nights a week) but, even so, I miss my daughter terribly when she's not around. I also often find myself biting my tongue over things, thinking that they don't really matter in the grand scheme of things, and that keeping a civil relationship between her mother and myself is the best thing for raising our daughter. We get along pretty well so why rock the boat over small stuff?

It's never easy though. I miss her terribly when she's not around and have a hundred and one neurotic thoughts about the whole situation (will she get to where she doesn't want to be around me, etc). Just realize you're not alone. There are plenty of us in similar situations.

[Adam West]

I will ditto MIB41's sentiments about how refreshing it is to see how much you care about your daughter and are not looking to use her as a weapon between you and your spouse. My brother married his wife (he had never been married but she had with two children) and it is sad. Their biological father would return them really late Sunday evenings during the school year just to anger my sister-in-law. He would purposely withhold court ordered child support payments and finally pay at the 11th hour. He promised to purchase his son a car and pay for both of their college educations. Well, his son is now in college and there is no car and no college assistance. He cut out any kind of support at all as soon as he turned 18 and while he was at it stopped paying child support for his daughter who was 14 at the time. The daughter doesn't even want to see her dad anymore and I remember attending my nephew-in-law's High School graduation party a couple of years ago. My brother and sister-in-law put their feeling aside and invited the ex. I saw as he was leaving giving his son a handshake as though they were work colleagues. Really sad to witness.

[megojim]

yep, it blows me away to see or hear about fathers that just walk away. I coudn't fathom my life without my son.

[boynightwing]

One of my best friends comes from a broken home. She has a twin sister. When her parents split up, her mom got full custody which broke her fathers heart since he loves his girls so much. To make matters worse, her mom moved them to a whole other city. My friend was always the daddy's girl. On her first day at her new school she freaked out in a big way. She didn't want to be there, she didn't want to be away from her father. She refused to stay with her mother.

So a new agreement was struck. She went home to her dad. Her mom kept her sister. On the weekends they traded places. This became hard on the girls though because they're twins who never saw each other.

So a new new agreement had to be made. The mom had to move back to town. The sister lived at her house, my friend stayed with her dad and the girls attended the same school.

By the time I met my friend things had calmed down 100 percent. Both parents found a way to get along, her father remarried and had another child. His wife and his ex-wife became good friends. All their families co-exist in a way none of them thought possible.

I guess the moral of the story is that there is always hope out there. It may just take some time to make it work.

[txteach]

I will never have any kind of relationship with my ex. The woman needs professional help. I only go through text and any text has to pertain to my daughter. I know everyone thinks that might change one day but I know better. I was abused, cheated on and lied to. I'll never deal with the person who put me through that again.

[Adam West]

You have every right to your feelings. Just continue the relationship with your daughter and don't speak ill of your ex to your daughter. I do think there is a time and place for everything and she will find out the truth at some point when her brain can conceptualize what happened and realize that you were the one done wrong. Justice delayed is not justice denied.