Need some parenting advice

[fallensaviour]

Ohh the games are gone till his grades go back up thats already a done deal.

I'm hot and cold on this one.I see your point very well however I think I would have informed him that the games were gone not for doing poorly on the reading but for the lying and mistrust(throwing tests out).In future he may not want to tell you as you will take away what he loves to do just because he really can't do something.

Now granted he has told you he was rushing through his work but is that really the case?
Or is he just scared or embarrassed to tell you that it really is to difficult?

Now as for the teacher we contact all the kids teachers every two weeks to check on their behavior and school progress as well as voice any concerns we have or that the kids have.That way we are on top of everything as quick as we can be.We also leave a number for them to call us if they have any concerns as well as an e-mail.An open line of communication is an absolute must For you,for your kids and for the teacher.
In all the years our kids have been going to school we have only ever had one teacher not want to talk on the phone for a few minutes every other week so we contacted the principal and after that talk she called us every two weeks.

[MIB41]

Been there, done that...with three kids. You have all my sympathy...and empathy. Well, what I have learned through the process is there is a time to get involved and spend less time asking "why". Kids generally go through this stage no matter how oriented they are to learning. At this stage the child is normally getting more responsibility in the class room and that's when you begin to see deficits that should be examined closely. Set it up to where both teacher and child are accountable. Tell the teacher you want a daily progress report. This will cover your son's performance in class from conduct to material taught. AND it will tell you if a test is coming up. By doing this, you will quickly find out where the problem lies.

You'll either see inconsistencies with the teacher or you'll see conduct or struggles with your son that point you to the reason for this decline - Examples being 'talkative in class'; 'Not attentive during study time"; "Finishes work too fast so he can talk". Things like that which indicate he's too easily distracted by friends (in which case he needs to be moved) or has developed a learning problem which could be as simple as vision or more complex like ADD (attention deficit disorder). I have had kids do either/or so don't rule yours out. And don't freak out if ADD plays into it. It's very treatable and life goes on.

But if the daily progress sheets are incomplete or if the teacher is not following up as agreed by letting you know about tests or other requests, then you can have a performance issue with the teacher. This means it's time to sit down with the principle and let him/her know what the problem is. Bottom line: When everyone in this process knows their being watched, the process will reveal the origins of your son's problem. THAT I can guarantee.

But above all, I would do this while showing total support, irregardless of who is to blame here. I use to do what you did. Your disappointed, hurt, and ticked off that your child would somehow lose trust for someone who has always looked out for their welfare and best interest. So you look at them with bewilderment and say, "Why?" There's folly in that thinking that I had to learn the hard way. What your actually doing is asking the child to understand your role and how you feel. Impossible. The child doesn't get that and shouldn't get that. Remember Charlie Browns' parents and why what they said was never discernible? That's what we sound like to kids when we lecture them. They only feel the disappointment of being told they let you down. They don't see the reasoning because they don't have the experience to rationalize it as we do.They know nothing of sacrifice or the value of a dollar or how that dollar is spread out to pay bills and put a roof over their head.

Your son is struggling and needs you to restore his confidence. So get involved in the process and find out where the problem lies. Accountability is something every child must have. BUT parents often forget it has to be taught first. Kids don't know what that means, so get involved and show him how it works...with a loving approach. As he sees what was broken and how you fix it, he will begin to get his confidence back and he'll respect you more because you didn't make him feel like he let you down.

[UnderdogDJLSW]

My 2nd grader, my daughter, went through the phase of shoving everything into her desk at school and leaving it there. New, old, good, bad assignments/grades - it all goes in her desk. We have to periodically remind her not to leave things at school and bring them home. She loves to read (she is in the highest level) but hates the fact that she has to write. She hates writing with a passion. We find with her, taking things away does make her less likely to tell us something in the future nor does it motivate her to write her sentences. Taking things away only shuts her down, so we do similar to what Bryan said. Talk, be understanding, comforting and get on her level, but at the same time, convince her this is the world and how it is and she needs to get her work done. Communication with the teacher is the key for us. 1st grade, we had a teacher who loved to email us and give us feedback and our daughter was very successful. 2nd grade teacher is like pulling teeth sometimes and that lack of a united front from parents & teacher shows this year.

[Adam West]

It sounds like the issue has more to do with your relationship with your son than with the grade. I have 3 kids 16, 13, and 10. My own parenting experience is that kids need and want love and support but from a parent point of view not a friend point of view. I am taking a guess that he didn't want to disappoint you which is why he didn't tell you. I recently had to put my 13 year old daughter on restriction for bad grades. She was receiving bad grades for completing only half of her homework or not doing it at all. I realized that she was staying up way past her bed time texting friends at night when we thought she was asleep. I told her if she was doing her absolute best and she was receiving a C,D,F, etc. that was ok and I would work with the school to have her placed in a class more appropriate for her but not doing homework was unacceptable to me. She had the cellphone removed altogether for a while until her grades were back up to snuff. She now is allowed to use the cell phone once her homework is complete but has to hand it over before she goes to bed. I have a very close relationship with my daughter but I don't want to be her best friend....I want to be her dad.

[kingdom warrior]

I had a similar problem last year with my son who was in the eight grade. All of a sudden his grades slipped, became extremely talkative in class (more than he normally is)
and was getting in to trouble for it. to the point he and a group of his peers suddenly thought they were smarter than the teacher.

My Wife first dealt with it meeting with teachers to see what was going on and it seemed my son had become a bit of a wise *** and class clown.....weird thing is he's not funny.

I asked him: So, since when do you get disrespectful in school? and have a lot to say?
Seems he had a little chip on his shoulder that I quickly knocked off. he was trying to blame his fellow peers. seemed he was also caving into peer pressure wanting the latest everything and following whatever trend the other students were doing.

I had a long Father to son talk about how this can lead to other things.
I also got on top of his grades. seems he wanted not to do assignments because he was rushing to play video games and wanted to watch Wrestling all the time.

I stopped it No games no wrestling. Limited TV. and upped his reading. I told him he needed to focus on what's important. he gets obsessed with things and loses focus. I told him you have to earn things from now on. work towards the things you want and really need.


He finally got on track and the grades went up.

This year he's doing well in his first year of high school. I'm all over him this time. The video games are limited to weekend only and even that is monitored because I don't want him playing 24/7. He has chores to do. which helps with responsibility......

We as Parents have to stay on top of them. in this world they get easily distracted and can lose focus very fast with all the garbage that's out there.

[Trappy Trek Freak]

We had the same problem with our 10 year old. He only brings home the good papers and not the bad, then he started getting sloppy by hiding the bad papers in his book bag. So we make him re-do all the papers. His reading grade was really bad and my wife talks to his teacher all the time. We have him go to a tudor twice a week and read with him almost everyday, we try not to burn him out. The reason he was failing was because it was boring to him and the tests are multi-guess, so he wasn't reading the story at all on test day he was just trying to get it over with. Now we give him rewards for good grades and he is doing better. I remember being 10 I was having my sister do my homework LOL.
Trappy

[Wise4671]

Hey Gang,
I really want to thank you all for the great input (we parents need to stick together)

Today I called the school and could not get the teacher on the phone so I spoke with the principal and told him my concerns I told him that my son is not without fault and that he is being punished for not doing his work and for hiding his papers from me but I also told him that I feel that the teacher is partly to blame as well for letting his grades slip so far and not letting me know. I actually asked the principal if avoidance is something they are teaching in class being that my son has avoided giving me his graded papers and his teacher is avoiding my phone calls. I think once all was said and done he knows that I am on top of this now and that he needs to speak with the teacher so that we are all on the same page and can fix this issue. As for my son he and I will be reading his assignments and going over it (39 years old and now I have to do homework again GRRRRRRR)

[fallensaviour]

Hey Gang,
I really want to thank you all for the great input (we parents need to stick together)

Today I called the school and could not get the teacher on the phone so I spoke with the principal and told him my concerns I told him that my son is not without fault and that he is being punished for not doing his work and for hiding his papers from me but I also told him that I feel that the teacher is partly to blame as well for letting his grades slip so far and not letting me know. I actually asked the principal if avoidance is something they are teaching in class being that my son has avoided giving me his graded papers and his teacher is avoiding my phone calls. I think once all was said and done he knows that I am on top of this now and that he needs to speak with the teacher so that we are all on the same page and can fix this issue. As for my son he and I will be reading his assignments and going over it (39 years old and now I have to do homework again GRRRRRRR)

Excellent!!!
I know things will get better for all involved for you,your son,the teacher and the principal.Remember the squeaky wheel gets the grease.You make an effort and show them you are on top of it and things will pick up for sure.

I hear you on the homework as well.
I graduated 20 years ago(I'm 38) why am I still doing homework???...LOL

[Sideshow Spock]

My wife is a 3rd grade teacher, and your son's teacher's behavior is mystifying to me. My wife is on the phone with a kid's parents if he so much as has a bad day. Some parents she talks to more than she talks to me

I hope you're finally able to establish a working dialogue with his teacher. If nothing else, when is the next parent/teacher conference?