Favorite corny jokes (Henny Youngman style)

[mego73]

The ones that go with a rim shot like:

"Two Men walk into a bar, one ducks"

"Two Cannibals are eating a clown and one says 'Does this taste funny to you?'"

[HardyGirl]

"I met a man who said he hadn't had a bite in 3 days."
"What did you do?"
"I bit him!"

[UnderdogDJLSW]

A man driving down a country road has his car sputter a few times and he has to pull off to the side near a farm. The man see smoke from under the hood so he lifts it up to see if anything is wrong. While he is looking at the engine, a horse walks up from the farm and stares at the man. Looking up the man is startled to see the horse's mouth move and the horse says out loud, "Why don't you check the carburetor?" The man freaks out and runs from the horse towards the farm. Finding the farmer out in the field on his tractor the man screams for help and tells the farmer, "That horse down there just spoke to me in English. He told me to check the carburetor!" The farmer replies "Oh, don't listen to him, he don't know nothin' about cars."

[Johnny]

So, this magician turns into a bar.

[Mikey]

Horse walks into a bar ....
Bartender say's "why the long face" ?

[Johnny]

Grasshopper walks into a bar orders a beer. Bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you"

Grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Phil"?

[johnnystorm]

Last night I dreamed I shot an elephant in my pajamas...how he got in my pajamas I'll never know!

-Groucho Marx

[ramsey37]

"I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife every finds out, she'll kill me!"
George

[Sandman9580]

Last night I dreamt I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.

[MIB41]

A city slicker from out east moves to a small country town in the south to start a farm and live the "simple life". The small town is just down the hill from his land, so he walks in for supplies. He notices some farm animals for sale so he inquires. "I'm starting a farm. Can you help me out?" The old timer says, "Why sure young fella."

The city slicker says, "Okay I would like something easy to start off with. How about a chicken, a rooster, and... oh...hmmmm... let's go ahead and get a mule and wagon to complete the look."

The old timer says, "That's fine. But around these parts we don't call them by those names. That there mule is called an a*s, the rooster a c*ck, and that chicken is a pullet. Very important you remember that, otherwise folks don't know what your saying!"

The City Slicker says, "Gotcha. Okay load me up." He attaches the wagon to the horse and gets ready to take his supplies home when the old timer suddenly stops him.

"I almost forgot. If that there a*s ever stops for no apparent reason, the only way to get him moving again is to scratch behind his ears. Remember that. Otherwise he'll stand there all day."

The city slicker agrees and heads on down the road. As their going along they approach two Nuns walking along the side of the road. Suddenly the horse stops. The city slicker knows what he has to do, but is having trouble because he's holding his chicken and rooster. The Nuns notice and come over.

""Hello there my boy. We notice your having trouble. Is there anything we can do to assist?"

The City Slicker says, "Why yes you can my good ladies. Can you hold my c*ck and pullet while I scratch my a*s?" ....