Marriage Ref - Can Hubby Keep his Toy collection?

[Joe90]

My wife figures that the money I spend on toys is a lot less than what her friends' husbands spend on drinking, gambling, RV's, guns, vintage cars, etc, etc, etc...

Plus, after seeing numerous of her friends being left for younger women by husbands who have hobbies "outside the house" she's more than happy to put up with my collection.

Of course a lot of women don't see it that way...

[wyldpny]

You also have to be reasonable and responsible about collecting, or spending money on anything for that matter, and not have your collecting or "buying" interfere with other things that are more important like bills and such, or worse, like damaging or totally ruining your marriage and your life.

Now I am not saying that anyone on here is being irresponsible or out of control in buying the things they want and enjoy. I can only speak for myself from my own past experiences and from seeing what happened to a few other collectors I know.

Buying collectibles or other non essentials can easily get out of control and start to eat into retirement savings, bank accounts and/or racking up extra costs on a credit card. There are those of us who can easily get caught up in the fun and thrill of buying stuff and then go over the top with it. There are also examples of when people buy things just because it makes them feel better. This can be due to a variety of reasons, but a few examples can be due to deep emotional scars and issues from their past, be it from their childhood or from a previous bad marriage where they turned to collecting and/or buying stuff to fill the void of feeling alone and unloved by their abusive spouse.
But I digress.

5 or so years ago my wife nicely allowed me to have a couple shelves in our basement and I ended up taking over the entire basement and then some.
We then moved to another house just a few years later and she nicely gave me "one" small table to display a few things on. That one small table soon mushroomed into two stacked tables, with piles of stuff in front of and on the sides of the tables and another tall to the ceiling shelving unit beside them stuffed from top to bottom with more "stuff".
Though I no longer have any of the desires to buy "stuff" whether it is Star Trek, Mego's, unnecessary additions for my car, souvenirs, compulsive buying of things not on the grocery list, etc, etc. it can be a long journey to get "healthy" again.

I remember seeing under someones profile avatar on this or maybe another forum the saying: "Toys before the light bill"
Sadly, that was actually me in some ways for a long time.
Even as recently as a few months ago I didn't really comprehend fully budgets and savings in the context of how wrong my thinking was like when I would want something "else", and so I would think I was doing a good thing by selling some collectible of mine to cover and justify my buying this latest "thing".
In all honesty I didn't really need any of those things, but as they say habits, especially bad ones, can be very hard to break.
It wasn't until very recently that I finally woke up and now have a clear head where I can actually understand what I was doing over the years and how badly it effected not only myself but others around me including my wife who is obviously the most important person in my life besides my kids. I have finally realized for the first time in who knows how long that if I had something I could sell and live without, I should have used the money to go towards more important things like bills, car payments, retirement savings, etc. instead of just replacing one "thing" with another. When you trade a car in for a more expensive one, you don't go out and then start spending additional money's on it for non essential "car show" accessories before even the first payment has been made on the extra money you borrowed to get the newer car in the first place. That is just wrong.
Why I wasn't able to really realize that fact for such a long time now is kind of strange I know, but the important thing today is that I do realize and recognize it now, so all I can really do from this day forward is to do what I can to stay this way and continue to move forward as a much healthier and better person.

I guess I am what you would call a recovering collect-a-holic or maybe a better way to word it is, recovering spend-a-holic.

Do I think it is totally out of me right now today? I honestly don't know. I certainly hope so and I do believe that all of those bad compulsive habits are now finally out of me for good, but as we all know only time will tell. I didn't get this way over night and so I can't expect it to go away over night either. Like my wife says, neither of us are like light switches where we can just turn it off and be instantly healed.
I certainly wish I had had a marriage ref like that 6 or 10 years ago, or at least smart enough or had the right support from my family to get me off my butt to go and see a counselor back then. I could have certainly used a good smack up side the head to help me snap out of the bad and compulsive buying habits I had picked up over the years. I needed someone like that to help make me more aware so I could start to break those bad habits I had picked up over time. I guess I was either in denial and/or just blind and unable to really see what I was doing and how I was acting was more like a 12 year old in some respects than my actual age. It's easy to say this now of course, but obviously I wish I had gone and seen someone like that back then to better help me see all of this before it was too late and before I would go on to make a mess and cause so much damage and hurt to those very important people I care about and love in my life.
Though they say hindsight is always 100%, it is also after the fact. That means that while you are realizing and comprehending something after the wrongs have been said and done, and after it has all settled that you can also comprehend and understand the financial and/or emotional damage from it, it is only then that you might also sadly discover and realize that your comprehension and understanding could now have come too little, too late.

Just something to think about....

Steve

[jds1911a1]

I made sure my wife knew about my plastic addiction before she ever went out with me that way it's never been an issue

I once joked if she ever said it's GIjoe or me i'd reply - there's the door (but that was before we had kids)

[megoscott]

We like this show, it's as mindless as it gets, yet it entertains when your brain needs to chew gum.

The guy was funny because he had tried to sell her on them as a big investment, but the market for LOTR crap tanked so now he's just got his toys, but he loves em so he's happy.

[HardyGirl]

Not married (anymore) don't have any boyfriends, but it all comes down to love me, love my toys, Star Trek stuff, Shaun Cassidy fandom, or at least TOLERATE it.

[jds1911a1]

We like this show, it's as mindless as it gets, yet it entertains when your brain needs to chew gum.

The guy was funny because he had tried to sell her on them as a big investment, but the market for LOTR crap tanked so now he's just got his toys, but he loves em so he's happy.

that was his problem any collector can't make the "investment" arguement since he knows he/she only sells what their is an upgrade to their collection or when extreme financial hardship occurs.
toy investment is a very long term proposition (unless you are in the ebay chase price gouging biz) and modern (post 1990) lines aren't getting value beacuse so many people try to "invest them"

[SlipperyLilSuckers]

You also have to be reasonable and responsible about collecting, or spending money on anything for that matter, and not have your collecting or "buying" interfere with other things that are more important like bills and such, or worse, like damaging or totally ruining your marriage and your life.

Now I am not saying that anyone on here is being irresponsible or out of control in buying the things they want and enjoy. I can only speak for myself from my own past experiences and from seeing what happened to a few other collectors I know.

Buying collectibles or other non essentials can easily get out of control and start to eat into retirement savings, bank accounts and/or racking up extra costs on a credit card. There are those of us who can easily get caught up in the fun and thrill of buying stuff and then go over the top with it. There are also examples of when people buy things just because it makes them feel better. This can be due to a variety of reasons, but a few examples can be due to deep emotional scars and issues from their past, be it from their childhood or from a previous bad marriage where they turned to collecting and/or buying stuff to fill the void of feeling alone and unloved by their abusive spouse.
But I digress.

5 or so years ago my wife nicely allowed me to have a couple shelves in our basement and I ended up taking over the entire basement and then some.
We then moved to another house just a few years later and she nicely gave me "one" small table to display a few things on. That one small table soon mushroomed into two stacked tables, with piles of stuff in front of and on the sides of the tables and another tall to the ceiling shelving unit beside them stuffed from top to bottom with more "stuff".
Though I no longer have any of the desires to buy "stuff" whether it is Star Trek, Mego's, unnecessary additions for my car, souvenirs, compulsive buying of things not on the grocery list, etc, etc. it can be a long journey to get "healthy" again.

I remember seeing under someones profile avatar on this or maybe another forum the saying: "Toys before the light bill"
Sadly, that was actually me in some ways for a long time.
Even as recently as a few months ago I didn't really comprehend fully budgets and savings in the context of how wrong my thinking was like when I would want something "else", and so I would think I was doing a good thing by selling some collectible of mine to cover and justify my buying this latest "thing".
In all honesty I didn't really need any of those things, but as they say habits, especially bad ones, can be very hard to break.
It wasn't until very recently that I finally woke up and now have a clear head where I can actually understand what I was doing over the years and how badly it effected not only myself but others around me including my wife who is obviously the most important person in my life besides my kids. I have finally realized for the first time in who knows how long that if I had something I could sell and live without, I should have used the money to go towards more important things like bills, car payments, retirement savings, etc. instead of just replacing one "thing" with another. When you trade a car in for a more expensive one, you don't go out and then start spending additional money's on it for non essential "car show" accessories before even the first payment has been made on the extra money you borrowed to get the newer car in the first place. That is just wrong.
Why I wasn't able to really realize that fact for such a long time now is kind of strange I know, but the important thing today is that I do realize and recognize it now, so all I can really do from this day forward is to do what I can to stay this way and continue to move forward as a much healthier and better person.

I guess I am what you would call a recovering collect-a-holic or maybe a better way to word it is, recovering spend-a-holic.

Do I think it is totally out of me right now today? I honestly don't know. I certainly hope so and I do believe that all of those bad compulsive habits are now finally out of me for good, but as we all know only time will tell. I didn't get this way over night and so I can't expect it to go away over night either. Like my wife says, neither of us are like light switches where we can just turn it off and be instantly healed.
I certainly wish I had had a marriage ref like that 6 or 10 years ago, or at least smart enough or had the right support from my family to get me off my butt to go and see a counselor back then. I could have certainly used a good smack up side the head to help me snap out of the bad and compulsive buying habits I had picked up over the years. I needed someone like that to help make me more aware so I could start to break those bad habits I had picked up over time. I guess I was either in denial and/or just blind and unable to really see what I was doing and how I was acting was more like a 12 year old in some respects than my actual age. It's easy to say this now of course, but obviously I wish I had gone and seen someone like that back then to better help me see all of this before it was too late and before I would go on to make a mess and cause so much damage and hurt to those very important people I care about and love in my life.
Though they say hindsight is always 100%, it is also after the fact. That means that while you are realizing and comprehending something after the wrongs have been said and done, and after it has all settled that you can also comprehend and understand the financial and/or emotional damage from it, it is only then that you might also sadly discover and realize that your comprehension and understanding could now have come too little, too late.

Just something to think about....

Steve

Thanks for your thoughtful post Steve, I am sure all of us have that to a degree. And it is very important to think about what really are the priorities in our lives.

[Gorn Captain]

I can really relate to Steve's post.
There was a time when I collected like mad. In the end, you overspend and need to sell your stuff anyway.
I now stick to a budget of about $60 per month. It's healthier, and more respectful towards my wife. How can I buy an expensive toy, and then see that she can't afford to have her sore shoulder fixed?
That is why I'm slowly winding down my collecting "hunger". I'm pretty happy with what I have, which is a lot. Nowadays, when I spend $20, I think about it. Twice.

But we're digressing.
When you go into a relationship, and you know what makes that person tick, you need to accept it. I hate it when people think "I'll change him/her after we're married".
That's disrespectful.
The collector, on his side of the deal, needs to keep his "habit" under control.

And if you'll excuse me, I have to check Ebay. I'm bidding on this item that I simply must have....

[megoscott]

I was on a really big spending spree in 2003-2004. I had money "to burn" and picking up MOC Megos became a bit addicting. I finally sat down and wrote a list of things I wanted in life and a big Mego collecting came in way down the list after a wife, a family, a home...

So I put on the brakes and focused on my real priorities and lo and behold I met my wife 4 months later. She knew about the collection going in and was ready to support it, but ever since we started acting like grown ups and living on a budget that faces reality and plans for the future I've got a very limited toy budget, and that's my choice.

I also find that the less I spend the less I want. I think collecting breeds collecting and there's a snowball effect.

[Adam West]

There always has to be a happy medium and moderation to anything.

I know the movie "Ghost" is one of those requisite chick flick movies that we guys probably would never watch if it weren't for our better halves but one of my favorite lines of that movie is the part where they get into a brief argument over a chair that belongs to Patrick Swayze's character.

Demi Moore complains that it doesn't "go with anyone". His simple response "It goes with me"

[Mego Milk]

Toy Collecting.

Its who I am baby!

[nvmbrsdoom5]

I'm lucky that my wife is cool with it and even enjoys my collecting to a degree. She goes to toy shows with me and to toy stores, and is even going to the Meet with me this year. She's not exactly a full fledged "collector" but she does have that tendency herself, and we both got hooked on collecting the Toy Biz LOTR figures for a few years, that was fun. She often talks about wanting to more seriously start collecting Barbies and Maple Town and such, but money and space is always a factor. That being said, I have no problems at all with making as much room as she needs for her collection, and I'll often gladly pass up buying something for myself if she sees a toy or collectible that she really wants. Honestly I think I get more satisfaction out of seeing her get all giddy about finding some vintage My Little Ponies or something at a toy show, than bothering to spend money on myself.

[MegoMark71]

My wife let me take pics of mego spidey before/during/after our wedding. She will even look for me when she is at walmart or target. She will take a pic on her phone and ask if i see anything i am looking for. Of course this is the same woman who takes my mego display and moves it around to see how long it takes till i notice. Or since i don't have all my loose megos in castaway clams, she will take batman and place him in very nasty positions with robin.

[Doc]

Unfortunatly thats all my wife let me keep. Would rather have the kids and her.

Anyone in the WNY area looking for stuff ask and stop by. I'm no good with the E bay Pay pal Gobbly gook.

I barely know how to turn the magic box on.

[Mod Style]

I'll buy all the MEGOS I want, and If my wife says anything about it, I'll look her straight in the eye, and say;" YOU BETTER SHUT UP!and while you're at it, KISS MY BUTT!!" That's how a MAN keeps his wife in her place.

Joe

P.S. There's no need for any of you guys to tell her what I said..........Seriously, PLEASE don't say anything!......what was that sound?..... She just pulled in the driveway......I'm not supposed to be on the forum right now, I'm supposed to be mowing the grass!!!.....GOTTA GO!!!!