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  • txteach
    Banned
    • Jun 17, 2005
    • 3769

    Need some opinions

    I have a nephew, 18. who recently got out of rehab. He was up to doing heroin. Well he's one of my facebook friends and he always quotes song lyrics with drugs and talks about drugs. I find it weird that a kid who claims to be clean always talks about drugs. He lives in CT and I'm in Texas so I can't visit him to find out. My sister (his mom) and I never had a great relationship so I'm reluctant to tell her I suspect her son of still doing drugs. I'm torn because if he od's (his drug of choice was heroin) I'd feel as though I played a part. Should I potentially ruin my relationship with my sister and tell her my suspicions or just leave it with what he tells me, he's clean and just having fun on facebook? What would you do? I have a feeling my sister is in denial. The kid has already milked her and he husband out of a lot.
  • cjefferys
    Duke of Gloat
    • Apr 23, 2006
    • 10180

    #2
    I would tell your sister your suspicions. If she's in denial, it might not help, but at least you tried. Or is talking to your brother-in-law possible? What kind of relationship do you have with him?

    Comment

    • Bill
      Parminant Memble
      • Oct 20, 2002
      • 4139

      #3
      Heroin ain't cheap, it shouldn't be that hard for them to figure out if he's using again or not. Is he still on methadone?

      I'd talk to your sister. Worse case scenario is you have to explain to people why your sister won't talk to you, as opposed to why your nephew isn't around to talk to anyone.

      Comment

      • Mikey
        Verbose Member
        • Aug 9, 2001
        • 47258

        #4
        There's two kinds of families in each family.

        The one kind is the close ones that you don't have to think twice about telling them anything.

        The other type are the ones you just barely get along with at family events.

        In the case of the later I do just that and don't interfere with their lives in any way - even if I think it might be for the good.

        I have a few dopers in my extended family and have came to the conclusion it's best just too stay away from them.

        Comment

        • megocrazy
          Museum Trouble Maker
          • Feb 18, 2007
          • 3718

          #5
          Tough position John. Went through a similar situation with an aunt. Because of my family's police ties even when she would get caught she wouldn't get arrested. Years in and out of rehab, gave up custody of her kids, etc. By the time she finally got off everything she had done so much damage to her body it was irreversible. She died a couple of years ago of a heart attack at 43. Amazed she lasted that long truthfully. I would say something. Even if it's just saying "Hey check out your sons facebook and tell me what you think." Maybe she'll make some deductions on her own and address the issue herself. Best of luck buddy, tough situation to be in. Hope it all works out for the best.
          It's not a doll it's an action figure.

          Comment

          • toys2cool
            Ultimate Mego Warrior
            • Nov 27, 2006
            • 28605

            #6
            tough call, But i say have a talk with her. At least your conscious (don't know if I spelled that right) would be clear
            "Time to nut up or shut up" -Tallahassee

            http://ultimatewarriorcollection.webs.com/
            My stuff on facebook Incompatible Browser | Facebook

            Comment

            • Brazoo
              Permanent Member
              • Feb 14, 2009
              • 4767

              #7
              Tough call - Have you tried talking to him yet?

              Assuming you're on facebook with him because you have a friendlier relationship with him than your sister you might want to do that first. Gauge how serious he is about his commitment to his rehab, then rat on the little sh*t.
              Last edited by Brazoo; Mar 8, '10, 8:12 PM.

              Comment

              • Nostalgiabuff
                Muddling through
                • Oct 4, 2008
                • 11423

                #8
                it is always a tough call to make. I think you should mention to your sister all the drug talk and she can do with the info what she will, at least you will have peace of mind about it.

                Comment

                • Wise4671
                  Banned
                  • Aug 11, 2007
                  • 1389

                  #9
                  Hey TX,
                  If you really think he may be back to his old ways you need to tell anyone that can help him if that is your sister then by all means tell her. Somtimes it sucks but you have to be his Uncle first and his friend second (But it sounds to me like he has the best of both worlds or this wouldnt bother you so much) I really hope this turns out well in the end I now what its like dealing with this situation when nobody steps up and says anything.

                  John

                  Comment

                  • AJ Collector
                    The Biggest Little Man!
                    • Aug 24, 2008
                    • 2148

                    #10
                    Speak up; at least you will know that you tried to help! I would hope your sister takes it as a thoughtful jester and does not get defensive, especially since you said you don't have the best relationship.

                    Comment

                    • Brazoo
                      Permanent Member
                      • Feb 14, 2009
                      • 4767

                      #11
                      From my experience no normally social kid just starts doing heroin unless he's exposed to it through his peers. Even if his intentions to quit are for real it's probably pretty unrealistic if he expects to keep clean AND have the same lifestyle and friends - I'm pretty sure they would address that in rehab. If he's talking openly about drugs on a public forum like facebook like that it doesn't seem likely that he's made those changes - to me.

                      The trouble is that to most 18 year-olds friends are more important than family, for a variety of reasons.

                      Another thought, there are TONS of hotlines and websites that give guidance for family members in exactly these types of situations. (Hopefully) none of us have the same experience as councilors who deal with this everyday - so I would talk to one of them first.

                      I hope everything will turn out for the best! I've seen the worst of these situations, but I've also seen some amazing recoveries from people I thought were doomed. It's great that you haven't written him off - you're a good man!

                      Comment

                      • Bill
                        Parminant Memble
                        • Oct 20, 2002
                        • 4139

                        #12
                        Yeah, you nailed it. That crowd will most likely turn him right back around into drugs again.

                        It's almost impossible to keep the friends and stay clean.

                        I moved from Baltimore just over seven years ago. A few close friends, ex-punk rock, skateboarder, etc types that now all had corporate jobs with people that we just could not relate with; we had our own crew that would decompress after the work week with a few grams of cocaine. Meet at the bar around seven, hang out until nine or ten and head back to the club basement to chill out with a pile of coke and some beers. It actually worked, for the most part, except for one of the group who really went off the deep end. We weren't kids, all in our late 20's mostly early 30's; listening to music, *****ing about office life and snorting up a little chunk of that corporate money. As close to responsible drug users as can can ever recall, a weekend thing, albeit heavy at times, but not a weekday thing, well maybe a taste here and there on a rare occasion. But the one guy really lost his grip. As grown men there was nothing we could do but keep him going to meetings and unfortunately keep him from hanging out with us. It sucks, to this day he can't even drink, he has to sky dive for his high now, and that's way more expensive than coke.

                        As a bunch of 30 year olds there was nothing we could do for him other than to keep him out of our group for his own good. There's no way a group of 18 year olds can pull that off for your nephew, he has to ditch those friends.

                        Comment

                        • TEXASFETT
                          #1 Bounty Hunter
                          • Aug 29, 2008
                          • 1473

                          #13
                          John you can do your best to tell her and help as well but will very hard because of distance between you two. All you can do is try but sometimes it just doesn't work.I was in that position but not any more because my nephew 26 yrs is back in the slammer.My nephew is also a recovering heroin addict but finds his way to get his fix no matter how many sessions or drug abuse classes.I have tried my best to help but he states he rather be locked up.I would pay for his half house sessions or pay his probation officers.Did my best but then felt like I was just baby sitting and was taking advantage of me.Its just very sad he had a full paid scholarship to the army and the very last day to leave to the service.He gets arrested with the heroin fix inside him and lost everything.My sister was killed by her boyfriend and then shot himself....which is his dad.Leaving my nephew(1yr old)and my niece(7months old).So his childhood was good but tried the make the best of it.Growing up with him was cool but to see the outcome of his life.....only he can choose his path.It just depends on who you hang around with. John I really hope that you can try to work things out. His excuse is because the it runs in the blood thats why he does wrong now....which I think is bull****!
                          Last edited by TEXASFETT; Mar 8, '10, 10:47 PM.

                          Comment

                          • txteach
                            Banned
                            • Jun 17, 2005
                            • 3769

                            #14
                            Great advise. I'm calling my sister tomorrow. Bill nailed it when he said would you rather have your family mad at you or a dead kid. Wish me luck. My sister is a pain in the ***. I know I have a fight ahead of me but I gotta get the point across. You people are the best there are. I appreciate each and every one of you.

                            Comment

                            • UnderdogDJLSW
                              To Fear is Not Logical...
                              • Feb 17, 2008
                              • 4895

                              #15
                              Take care of yourself, too! As Brazoo mentioned call some hotlines not only about your nephew, but to help you talk through the stress of what you have to do. You are a good guy to take this on!
                              It's all good!

                              Comment

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