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A man's wife looks in the mirror and say "man, I look fat." She sighs. " i'm really depressed now, pay me a complment." The man thinks for a moment and reply "well. you have good eye sight."
Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker.
She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.”
She’s standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, “How much?” She says, “A hundred dollars.”
He says, “All I got is thirty”. She says, “Hold on,” and runs back to Harry and asks, “What can he get for thirty?”
“A hand job”, Harry reply.
She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollar is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE ……
She stares at it for a minute, and then says, “I’ll be right back.” She runs back to Harry, and asks, “Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?”
One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says “Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you…”
Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.
The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.
Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says “Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!”
The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says “Surpise, its me the Hippie!”
The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says “Surprise, its me the bus driver!”
Ok here’s a joke for you … a young “white trash” teenage boy comes to the idea that he is ready to have sex… so the boy goes to the local ***** house, and tells the pimp … “I have money I want some sex” The Pimp tells him “son you’re just too young, I can’t let you go and do that kind of stuff yet” the boy replies “Mister I got the money … now let me at them” The Pimp says “ok ok boy, if you really want to give it a try, how about you go practice on the knot hole in the tree out back first” The boy agrees … about 15mins later he comes back and lays his money down and the Pimp shows him to the *****’s room
To start things out the boy grabs a stick and starts poking the ***** in her “you know what” with it. … of course the ***** screams “What the hell are you doing???” The boy calmly replies … “I no dummy … I’m checking for bee’s first this time”
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