On the 4th of July about thirty years ago, I entered a hot dog eating contest.

When the MC said, Go!, the other contestants started shoving hot dogs down their throats in rapid succession while I pulled a couple of small packets of mustard and relish from my pocket and gingerly squeezed it onto the wiener and bun. I then took my dear sweet time eating my creation, savoring every single bite.

After I finished consuming the first dog, I prepared a second and ate it in the same manner as the first.

When I was done, I wiped the smeared remnants of mustard and relish from my mouth and chin and went about my merry way.

I never did find out who won that contest.