For Those who have been aware of my Absence

[The Re-Rooter]

I figured I would name the thread to those this post would pertain to, since it is likely that It was not noticed and others may be wondering who I even am lol

Firstly, I am SO SORRY I fell off the planet for almost 2 months. It also happened around the exact same time as MM, and I do not want anyone to think that it had anything to do with the show because we had a great time. I won't go into details cuz it's not a very juicy story and emotions are no fun to talk about. I can be annoyingly outspoken but very private when it comes to my actual life. Usually an event in my life doesn't go on long enough to deter from my various comings and goings. But what I have been going through has affected more than just my presence on this forum. I appreciate those who have reached out to me, it is nice to know that I am noticed
I got a phone call during MM asking if I would volunteer for a church assignment and that I was actually recommended to them. I was really excited despite knowing how time consuming it would be. I eagerly accepted and couldn't wait to get started. A few days after getting home, the person who oversees the program came over with a mountain of things to study. I was stoked and pitched her a lot of my ideas. I could see the blood drain from her face as her smile faded. She politely told me that we weren't going to be doing things like that in a way that made me feel 2 inches tall ( Why are so many women good at that?! I suck at it lol). As silly as it sounds, I cried the rest of the evening while Seth tried to console me and tell me that I could still approach things "my way" so that I could set out what I had hoped to do.
So the past 2 months has been my internal emotional struggle trying to figure out what to do. I began to wonder if I was having a mid-life crisis. My frustration seeped into everything else in my life, to the point where I stopped working on commissions completely, despite how many are on my desk. I didn't even want to be around people. For a chick who likes to think she is pretty tough, I was broken. A bunch of additional stress & pressure from our business just made me worse.
Seth even took me to see my neurologist, which I thought was stupid. Turns out that I had a vitamin deficiency that was contributing to my "extreme" behavior. Which I also thought was stupid. But I took the vitamins anyways and I am starting to feel better! So that I can at least cope with my issues and work towards resolutions instead of wallowing in my mire.
I don't feel 100% yet, but I am getting there.
I want to get back to being active on the forums because I really enjoy it. I hope to see you online soon and that I'll be back to my quirky energetic self!
Thank you for caring enough to take the time to read this,

Diana

[PNGwynne]

Thank you for sharing. Thank you for your talent. Most of all, thank you for being part of our community.

[CrimsonGhost]

I noticed you had gone quiet. Glad you're feeling better.

Sometimes, creating art for other people is tough on the ego. There are times when your client doesn't know what they want at all, but they sure know what they don't want and can't explain how to fix it so they like it, and other times the client knows EXACTLY what they want and "this isn't it." It's hard not to take it personally, or to not feel like a fraud, and sometimes it makes you wonder why you didn't just go work at a bank or something.

Did you still take the gig?

[The Re-Rooter]

Thank you for being so patient with me! Luckily my mom has still been working....but she works REALLY slow lol. Hopefully I'll have a decent update for you soon.

[The Re-Rooter]

I think that TOO many times lately, Crimson Ghost!
"I enjoy being an artist? I want to do this with my life? Was my last cubicle job really that bad?" lol it actually was a pretty awful job that is still vivid enough to keep me going.
I did accept the assignment and it has been really emotionally draining. Seth has been so patient with me he should be nominated for sainthood.
I did decide on Sunday though that I am going to withdraw and ask if I am needed elsewhere. Because I'm not working through it, I'm hemorrhaging from it and I have to stay at least a little sane to keep my business running.
After I did make that decision I felt 100 times better. I still haven't informed them...yeah that's gonna be a major panic attack day. I may be disappointing some people by resigning but our personalities just clash too much and a big knock down brawl isn't the answer.
Gotta, like, do the annoying thing and be mature

[enyawd72]

As an artist myself I share your frustrations...believe me. Although most are great, some clients can be a real pain. They will nitpick over every little thing.
Sometimes you just gotta say look...YOU came to ME. You want me to do this because you CAN'T. I know what I'm doing, so let me DO it.

You don't tell the mechanic how to fix your car.

Hang in there and don't let the situation get you down. I wish you the best of luck.

[CrimsonGhost]

I think that TOO many times lately, Crimson Ghost!
"I enjoy being an artist? I want to do this with my life? Was my last cubicle job really that bad?" lol it actually was a pretty awful job that is still vivid enough to keep me going.
I did accept the assignment and it has been really emotionally draining. Seth has been so patient with me he should be nominated for sainthood.
I did decide on Sunday though that I am going to withdraw and ask if I am needed elsewhere. Because I'm not working through it, I'm hemorrhaging from it and I have to stay at least a little sane to keep my business running.
After I did make that decision I felt 100 times better. I still haven't informed them...yeah that's gonna be a major panic attack day. I may be disappointing some people by resigning but our personalities just clash too much and a big knock down brawl isn't the answer.
Gotta, like, do the annoying thing and be mature

Yeah, I get it for sure. I've been a professional artist for 25+ years and any time I get a gig that is draining and annoying, I feel like I just have to power thru it and it will be over eventually. Who knows if that is better or worse than resigning. I still have the fear that if I don't take everything that is offered to me, then nothing will be offered to me anymore.

I hope it goes smoothly. You might find that they really like what you're doing despite how you feel.

[Starroid Raiders Dagon]

Wow, Diana, that stinks. Happy to hear that you that you are feeling better. The withdraw will go fine. Dont let anyone take that much residence in your headspace!

Best regards,
Chris E.

[megowgsh]

I know it's easier said than done, but don't let other people get you down. You are a strong and amazingly talented human being. And, we are all here for you!

[boss]

Hang in there. Art for someone else can often be a losing proposition. I once had an advertising boss that would crumple up my work in a ball and throw it at me if he didn't like it. It never didn't suck.

[Mr.Marion]

Welcome back to the forum. I completely understand the situation at the church. I had a job at as a Library consultant like that, needless to say the Director was impossible to work under and it was a waste of my time and effort.

Back on topic we are all here because we love old toys but sometimes we also need breaks even from the things we love.

[cjefferys]

sometimes we also need breaks even from the things we love.

Hey, that's what I always tell my wife!

[sprytel]

Welcome back. I understand the impulse to withdraw in stressful times, but also know that this community can be a great support system.

I certainly empathize with your situation. I'm not sure if you are looking for advice... so if not, feel free to ignore everything else I have to say! But given your initial excitement for the project, I would hate to see you have to walk away. I would also hate to see you stick with it and make yourself sick and miserable.

It may be worth sitting down a final time: explain what isn't working for you, tell them that if you can't together find a way to fix it that you will need to withdraw from the assignment, and then make some concrete suggestions on how you would like to move forward if you continue working together. Make it about specific actions and how they affect you, rather than the person (so rather than "You need to stop being so bossy", say something like "By telling me exactly what colors to use, I feel my artistic input isn't being valued. If this is going to be successful, I need the freedom as the artist to choose the specific colors that will deliver the artistic vision we agreed to.") It also doesn't hurt if you can find a friendly but unbiased party to sit in on the discussion.

I have found that most people in these situations are oblivious to the impact of their actions. Or at least they are willing to try adjusting their behavior once they are called out on it. Maybe you can make things better, and the project can be fun and exciting again. And if you can't work out your differences, you can walk away with no regrets, knowing that it was never going to work.

[emeraldknight47]

Glad to see you making a return; this place can be very therapeutic and can help out with a lot of different issues. Thanks for sharing with us and letting us all know you are OK and improving daily. Sometimes, wanted or not, we all take a break from the people, places, things or hobbies that we love and, when we return, we frequently can have a new and better perspective on everything and that sounds like the road you are on.

[ScottA]

Glad things are looking up. We are always here for you.