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Nerd Therapy Session: Full Frontal

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    Museum Robot
    • May 9, 2007
    • 5788

    Nerd Therapy Session: Full Frontal



    Warning: this one may or may not contain nudity.It’s still the summer of 1977, I am six years old and having a pretty great time despite the “No TV” clause mandated by my parents.



    My previously mentioned best friend Neil lived two doors down and was always up for something (he was often described as “hyperactive” by neighbours but I don’t remember him like that) so life was good. Our neighborhood was mostly retirees or people with grown children, so it was quiet and very well kept.

    Except every street has one of “those” houses.

    That house with the scary dead lawn (and even scarier dead tree) and the requisite half hanging patio door with the screen ripped wide open? Yeah, that was the Dorval house (name changed for dislike of getting punched in the head) and it stuck out like it was that “one of these things do not belong” scenario.

    The whole place was something of a “Lord of the Flies” situation, there were four boys living there, all of them well older than us. They were probably no older than 17 but to me they looked 37, shaggy with bad skin and worse moustaches, they wore work boots and lumberjack jackets (the Canadian bully uniform) and listened loudly to Zepplin and Rush. The sound of Rush still gives me the creeps.

    The mom seemed to be a career person, always in suits with a professional appearance but she left early and came home very late. The father seemed to work “up north” a great deal, gone for months at a time; he looked older than his years. The boys lived with a housekeeper who looked kind of like this:




    She spoke absolutely no English.

    To use Planet of the Apes vernacular, their house was “The Forbidden Zone” for me. The Dorval boys hated my mom something fierce as she was a stay at home type who didn’t put up with their crap. I remember my dad putting fear of God into them a few times, they had no respect for women but they were scared of my old man.

    So I was surprised one evening to see Neil talking to the youngest Dorval brother in the middle of the street. I went over and Neil turned to me and said “Hey man, Angus is going to show us a naked lady, let’s go”.

    That extra year in age always came through in Neil, especially when it came to the ladies, he would set me up on my disastrous, first date a few years later. I have to admit though, female nudity was high on my “would like to see” list at the time, it was entirely scientific though.

    I looked around to make sure my mom wasn’t observing this on the balcony and well, she must have been sick or something because it was the one time where she wasn’t around to catch me. The balcony's sole purpose was to act as a crow's nest to find me. I followed blindly.

    That last statement is something that haunted me through childhood, I was never a bad kid and certainly never lead the pack during mischief but I always present.

    We got to the Dorval living room and I had never seen anything like it, it was an awful mess with broken furniture, a crap TV, junk food wrappers and three “Six Million Dollar Man” board games strewn about the room for some reason. We sat there for a few minutes while Angus told his older brothers what he was going to do, they gave out creepy laughter and they all stared at me.

    That’s when I walked, as big as the curiosity was to see a woman’s “boobies”, the bigger mystery was to see life behind the broken screen door. Well, mission accomplished and it was kind of gross and sad.

    I did not follow Neil up to Angus’s bedroom to see his playboy calendar; I believe one of the brothers did the “bawk bawk bawk” as I left. I should mention that Angus was likely 13 years old and had a playboy calendar hanging on his wall.

    I sat on my balcony watching the house intently waiting for Neil to exit. It seemed like an eternity until he emerged. My mind began to wander as to what they were doing to him. As dusk rolled in, he came skipping out and spied me immediately, shouting at the top of his lungs “Hey! I saw a naked woman! They’ve got red things on the end of their boobs just like we do!”

    Well, my mum’s radar was back online because she came out and grilled me about what exactly I had been doing this fine afternoon. I folded like a house of cards but my actions sort of made a right into a wrong and I didn’t get in any trouble. I think Neil's mom got a call too, nobody was particularly keen on the Dorvals on my block.

    A year or so later I would watch “Logan’s Run” in French and Jenny Agutter would unexpectedly make a man out of me. Glad I waited, I have a Logan's Run poster on my wall now BTW.

    Next week we have our first guest submission to NTS, keep em coming!For more Fashion Mockery and 70's toy love visit us at Plaid Stallions.com


    More...
  • cjefferys
    Duke of Gloat
    • Apr 23, 2006
    • 10180

    #2
    Great installment. I wish I had a good story about seeing my first boobies, but unfortunately it involved accidentally walking in on my grandmother getting changed. Uck.


    A year or so later I would watch “Logan’s Run” in French and Jenny Agutter would unexpectedly make a man out of me. Glad I waited, I have a Logan's Run poster on my wall now BTW.

    Ahhh, and the Logan's Run fascination makes a little more sense now.

    Comment

    • HardyGirl
      Mego Museum's Poster Girl
      • Apr 3, 2007
      • 13933

      #3
      Geez Brian, my childhood, (up to age 13) was spent just outside Harlem NY, and I didn't have 1/2 the excitement you did!
      "Do you believe, you believe in magic?
      'Cos I believe, I believe that I do,
      Yes, I can see I believe that it's magic
      If your mission is magic your love will shine true."

      Comment

      • Saroyan
        Persistent Member
        • Oct 4, 2011
        • 1053

        #4
        Love the stories- keep em coming!

        I can't recall if my first was a playboy stashed in my grandfathers closet- or Super Cycle magazine at the local Quick Pick...

        Comment

        • shellhead
          museum rustpot
          • Mar 1, 2007
          • 638

          #5
          I think my first view of FULL frontal was Sally Kellerman in the movie versin of M*A*S*H.
          Chris

          Keepin' it Mego-ey !

          Comment

          • HardyGirl
            Mego Museum's Poster Girl
            • Apr 3, 2007
            • 13933

            #6
            My first experience w/ male nudity was when my friend Laura and I were walking home from the park, and we stopped in this store we hadn't been in before for some candy. Only it wasn't a candy store. It was a smoke shop that sold dirty magazines. We were sitting and giggling at Playgirl magazines. The man behind the house seemed amused by the fact that we were thoroughly enjoying ourselves, and made no move to stop a 12 year old and 11 year old girl from looking at such smut.
            "Do you believe, you believe in magic?
            'Cos I believe, I believe that I do,
            Yes, I can see I believe that it's magic
            If your mission is magic your love will shine true."

            Comment

            • samurainoir
              Eloquent Member
              • Dec 26, 2006
              • 18758

              #7
              Seered onto my very young mind were some playboys my dad had in his nightstand. Foremost was Bo Derek, whom I've been in love with ever since. I also remember the one with Suzanne Sommers. A few years later I was lucky to have an older cousin who shared his girlie magazines with me, and it was the Wicked Wanda comic strips that I liked best.

              My favourite Jenny Aguter movie is American Werewolf in London. Something about that slightly more mature Aguter. Prim and proper in her Nurses uniform.
              My store in the MEGO MALL!

              BUY THE CAPTAIN CANUCK ACTION FIGURE HERE!

              Comment

              • Earth 2 Chris
                Verbose Member
                • Mar 7, 2004
                • 32498

                #8
                Another great one Brian. My first experience with boobies wasn't much different. My friends had an older brother who had Playboys. My friends spent the summers with their grandmother, but their dad lived just a few blocks over. Their house wasn't too far removed from the Dorvals. We had to climb through the window to get in, and it looked like someone else had broken in and ransacked the place. We made off with an issue or two, and went back into our wodden "hideout" (really just a space between 4 large trees behind my house) and I got to see my first naked lady.

                I too would have never suggested such a thing, but I had the one friend who was a year older that instigated EVERYTHING. He's a lawyer now. Go figure.

                Chris
                sigpic

                Comment

                • MIB41
                  Eloquent Member
                  • Sep 25, 2005
                  • 15631

                  #9
                  I was six. My next door neighbor was six. She came over one day and we decided to play show and tell. I wasn't sure what I was suppose to see. And my reaction to the 'wonder hole' pretty much summed that up. "Gee you look chapped down there." We turned that experience into different concepts. The one that stands out was playing the Flintstones. Looking back, I can only surmise we were role playing adults as we saw it in cartoons. I was Fred. She was Wilma. Our parents finally figured out we weren't learning the finer skills of weed eating around the back bushes. They broke us up for about a month. Then we evolved it from the Flintstones to Tarzan and Jane. She would stand in the back yard crying "Tarzan! Tarzan!! Save me!" I would stand in the front yard and come charging to save her from the imaginary lion. She would then hug me and thank me for saving her. Then we would do it again. Our parents bought that hook, line, and sinker. We were pretty clever kids at figuring how to accomplish what we wanted. We would have been dangerous if we actually understood why we wanted to do those things. Nature finds a way...

                  Comment

                  • tay666
                    Career Member
                    • Dec 27, 2008
                    • 753

                    #10
                    My first views of the female form came from dirty magazines my dad 'hid' in his closet. (like anything is really hidden from kids cooped up in the house on rainy days)
                    I think my first view of the real things was probably either 3rd or 4th grade.
                    Thanks to an early developing classmate who lived down the street.
                    Who gave a millisecond flash on a dare.

                    But yeah, I too was never really a leader of mischief.
                    I was always led into it by either my sister, or once Jr high rolled around, my best friend.
                    He was a year younger than me, but much more prone to doing stuff.
                    I was the one who either ended up covering our tracks, or getting us out of sticky situations.
                    It worked out perfectly. He led the adventures, and I made sure we survived to do something stupid another day :D

                    Comment

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