I think I'll take some time today to respond to some spam emails.......

[SUPERUNDERDOGGIE]

I know I shouldn't do it because it validates my email address but I'm really tempted to respond to the 500 million spam emaills I get from people claiming they need my bank account number to initiate a fund transfer to hold for them "in trust".....or that I won something.....or that they have a job for me.

Since they are all so stupid and poorly worded I think I will respond today with the following email.

"Dear Sir and Madam and dogs and cats,

I thank you for contacting me so abruptly and enjoying my cheese so well. I am in fact truthfully at peace with bonding out two selves together in the mutual admiration of business and trustful good will. If I may please, however, representative of my good hygeine and best will, insist that our bond of financial lovemaking be predicated and in fact entered into only after such a time as we have formed the most intimate personal bond as friends and soul mates.

It is for this reason that I request that we meditate at once and imediately well together as we commonly focus on our advocate and in between friends in the sea, the Sea Chicken. Only at once, and immediately thereupon receipt of our mutual agreement to summon a positive bond of friendship with the Sea Chicken named "Sally" can we then expect to achieve the dreams and good fortunes that lay beyond the golden tree tops of love and financial wealth that achieves the best of all humanity.

Please contact my secretary and my best hound dog "Sadie" at your earliest convenience to assure me of our new found love.

All in trust and best with honor,

Bill Goodstuff"





I figure there are so many screwed up grammatical constructions and odd words in there that will keep them guessing for hours.

[Earth 2 Chris]

We are getting heavily spammed here at work. Some of it goes in our junk email box, but most makes it right through to the inbox. It's all erectile disfunction drugs and replica watches. If I took all the Cialis and Viagra they've supposedly sent me, I'd have somwhere to put all of those replica watches.

Oh, and did you know Cialis makes "soft tabs". Isn't that an oxymoron?

Chris

[Marvelmania]

[mitchedwards]

Too funny

[Meule]

Good one, Dan

[English Paul]

If I took all the Cialis and Viagra they've supposedly sent me, I'd have somwhere to put all of those replica watches.

That is so funny


I`m glad it`s not just my inbox that gets filled up with all that cr@p. The worst thing is some of what I receive get sent from my own email address - i`ve looked into some of them and they originate from my username with the usual random letters in front of it.

[SUPERUNDERDOGGIE]

Here is another one they sent me....its my lucky day!

Dear Benefactor Of 2007 Masonry Grant,

The Freemason society of Bournemouth under the jurisdiction of the all Seeing
Eye, Master Nicholas Brenner has after series of secret deliberations selected
you to be a beneficiary of our 2007 foundation laying grants and also an
optional opening at the round table of the Freemason society.

These grants are issued every year around the world in accordance with the
objective of the Freemasons as stated by Thomas Paine in 1808 which is to ensure
the continuous freedom of man and to enhance mans living conditions.

We will also advice that these funds which amount to USD2.5million be used to
better the lot of man through your own initiative and also we will go further to
inform that the open slot to become a Freemason is optional, you can decline the
offer.

Barr. Refeal Robinson
Grand Lodge Office Co-Secretary's
email: (freemason_grant_2007_benefactor@yahoo.co.uk)
Tel: +447023081669
Fax: +448704784348
Barr. Refeal Robinson,
Co-Secretary Freemason Society of Holdenhurst
Road,Bournemouth.
__________________________________________

And another! What are the chances?? Wow!

Assalamalakium!!! From:Prince Fayad Bolkiah.

Hello,

I am Prince Fayad B.S. Bolkiah,the eldest son of Prince Jefri Bolkiah,former Finance Minister of Brunei,the tiny oil-rich sultanate on the Gulf Island.

I will save your time by not amplifying my extended royal family history,which has already been disseminated by the international media during the controversial dispute that erupted between my Father and his stepbrother,the sultan of Brunei Sheik Muda Hassanal Bolkiah.

As you may know from the international media, the sultan had accused my father of financial mismanagement and impropriety of US$14.8 Billion dollars. This was as a result of the Asian financial crisis that made my father's company Amedeo Development Company and government owned Brunei Investment Company to be declared bankrupt during his tenure in office.However my father was kept under house arrest, his bank accounts and private Properties including a crude oil export refinery were later confiscated by the sultanate.

Furthermore during this unfortunate period, I was advised to evacuate my immediate family outside the sultanate to avoid further prosecution from the sultan and his security operatives, but before I could do that I was placed under house arrest by the Sultan and have no access to a phone but I have a Palm hand-held computer from which I am sending you this mail.

Some of the guard here are still loyal to me, so they would be my contact with you if there is any document I need to send to you to enable you collect the boxes of money on my behalf.

Before my incarceration, I went ahead to dispatch the sum of Five Hundred Million United States Dollars (US$500,000,000.00) in cash under special arrangement into the custody of different private security and Trustee companies for safe keeping abroad. Just like an unspecified amount of money Sadam Husseine took out of Iraq in cash .

The money were splited and kept in the following countries in this proportion: US$50 Million is in Switzerland,US$100 Million is in Spain,US$100 Million is in Britain,US$80 Million is in United Arab Emirate and the balance US$US170 Million is in Canada.

Hence I seek your good assistance to invest these funds into profitable investment in your country to facilitate future survival for my family abroad. After due deliberation with my aids we have decided to offer 20% of these funds to you as compensation for your strong cooperation while 5% have been mapped out for both local and international expenses that may be incurred during this transaction.

Please I count on your absolute confidentiality, transparency and trust while looking forward to your prompt reply towards a swift conclusion of this business transaction.

Many Thanks May Allah's blessing remain with you.

I remain yours sincerely.
Prince Fayad.S. Bolkiah.

You can visit the websites below for a better understanding of the situation.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/670959.stm

http://www.asiaweek.com/asiaweek/magazine/2000/0310/nat.brunei.jefri.html

[SUPERUNDERDOGGIE]

Actually, on second thought....maybe I would feel more satisfaction if I actually earned the money instead of taking hand outs. Maybe I'll take this job this nice person is offering me.

"Debrab Fabrics & Textiles.
65 Woodside Avenue
London, N13 AQ
Dear Sir/madam
Would you like to work online from Home/Temporarily and get paid weekly as we would gladly offer you a job position in our company, Debrab Fabrics & Textiles. We need someone who is trustworthy and honest to work for the company as a Representative/Book keeper in your country. This is in view of our not having an office presently in your country.
You dont need to have an Office and this certainly wont disturb any form of work you are doing at the moment.The Company produces the following varities of clothing materials:- batiks, assorted fabrics for interior decor, silk and traditional costumes which we have clients we supply weekly there. Our integrated yarn and fabric manufacturing operations use state-of-the-art textile equipment from the world's leading suppliers.
Order processing, production monitoring and process flow are seamlessly integrated through a company-wide computer network.
* The average monthly income is about 4000.00 usd.
* No form of investments from you.
* This job takes only 1-3 hours per day
About the job: Our company manufactures and sells textile and fabrics. We have sales representatives all over the world to distribute our products. You know, that it's not easy to start a business in a new market. There are hundreds of competitors, close direct contacts between suppliers and customers and other difficulties, which impede our sales promotion.
We have decided to deliver the products upfront, it's very risky but it should push up sales to 25 percent. Thus we need to get payments for our products as soon as it possible. Unfortunately we are unable to open Bank Accounts over there without first registering the company name.
Presently with the amount of Orders we have, we cannot put them on hold. For fear of loosing the customers outrightly. Secondly we cannot cash these payments from the US soon enough, as international Cheques take about 14 working days for cash to be made
available. We lose about 75,000 USD of net income each month because we have money transfer delays* Your task is to coordinate payments from customers and help us with the payment process. You are not invloved in any sales. Or makes direct contact for sales of products. Once orders are recieved and sorted we deliver the product to a customer (usually through FEDEX). The customer receives and checks the products. After this has
been done the customer has to pay for the products. About 90 percent of our customers prefer to pay through Certified Cheques and Money orders based on the amount involved. We have decided to open this new job position for solving this problem.
Your tasks are:
1. Recieve payment from Customers
2. Cash Payments at your Bank
3. Deduct 10% which will be your percentage/pay on Payment processed
4. Forward balance after deduction of percentage/pay to any of the offices you will be contacted to send payment to. (Payment is to forwarded either by Money Gramme or Western Union Money Transfer). This type of Money transfers takes barely hours, so it will give us a possibility to get customer's payment almost immediately. For example you've got 5000.00USD You take your income : 500.00 USD Send to us: 4500.00 USD excluding the cost of western union/moneygrame First month you will have 10-20 transactions on 5000.00 USD So you may calculate your income. For example 10 transactions on 5000.00 USD gives you 5000.00 USD Plus your basis monthly salary is 1000.00 USD Total: 6000.00 USD per month. After establishing a close co-operation with us you'll be able to operate with larger orders and you'll be able to earn more.
Our payments will be issued out in your name and you can have them cashed in your bank or other Cashing Services. Deduct your weekly salary and foward the balance to the company via western union money transfer or moneygram money transfer We understand it is an unusual and incredible job position. This job takes only 3-7 hours per week.
FILL THE BELOW INFORMATION:
Reference No:- LSLCA/2031/ 8161/07
Batch No:- R4/A313/2-7/USA
EMPLOYMENT FORM
FIRST NAME:............................................. ....
MIDDLE NAME:...........................................
LAST NAME:............................................. ..
ADDRESS LINE:..........................................
CITY:............................................. .............
STATE:............................................ ...........
ZIP:.............................................. ...............
TELEPHONE/FAX NUMBER:........................
GENDER:........................................... .........
MARITAL STATUS:.....................................
AGE:.............................................. ...........
COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:...............................
ATTESTATION
According to how you have been briefed earlier. You are required to receive payment on behalf of the above mentioned firm. You are to deduct 10% of all funds processed on a particular order & forward the balance payment via western union to any of the companies regional warehouses that will be given to you later. You will notify the company a week ahead if eventually you want to discontinue this job. So as to terminate all
payments coming your way to avoid conflict.
As the company`s representative,you are also due to be paid the sum of $1000 at the end of every month if you perform your duty very well.
Name:..................
date:....................
Regards,
Mr.ABRAHAM KELLY"

[SUPERUNDERDOGGIE]

This one is tempting...I've never had an "inconvenience allowance" of 2% of my salary.



TEXON GROUPS INTL LTD
16a Fir Tree Lane, Groby, Leicestershire,
LE6 0FH, United Kingdom.
Tel:+447031920807

Email:info.texongroups01@yahoo.co.uk
TEXON COMPANY(UK).®

ATTENTION: Applicant,

Texon International can provide a wide range of materials and components for all
types of footwear. This makes us an ideal choice for footwear buyers and
specifying brands. We are able to develop, manufacture and supply consistent
quality materials for your branded footwear and ensure that your good name is
not compromised in the market place due to inconsistent product quality, colour
and finish.

Protect your brand and choose Texon International products. Our global network
of sales offices and warehouses throughout Europe, the Americas and Asia means
that we always have local supplies of material available close to all major shoe
manufacturing areas. We have dedicated teams of technical personnel with
shoemaking knowledge in these key locations who can check that our materials are
used properly by factory personnel and ensure your product is manufactured correctly - and to its
optimum quality standard.

Texon International Group Ltd(UK)
16a Fir Tree Lane, Groby, Leicestershire,
LE6 0FH, United Kingdom.

JOB OFFER:
urgent notification:
job description: sales managers, delievery m/w, computer operators, sales
director, sales operator and accountants and factory helpers ETC.

JOB LOCATION:Texon International Group Ltd(UK)
16a Fir Tree Lane, Groby, Leicestershire,
LE6 0FH, United Kingdom.

1. Job location in uk
2. The job sites are in these countries
3. All staffs facilities are already in place
to ensure proper safety of personnels and facilities on site.
4.we give free accommondation, free medication, and the company gives invitation
letters that will enable you obtian visa to the branch you choose to work,
the company give invitation letter, identity card , certificate of employments,
working permit and some other document which will enable you obtian visa.

SALARY
POUNDS 35 per/hour
Hazard Allowance 2% of Basic Salary
Inconveniences Allowances 2% of Basic Salary

ENTITLEMENTS:
1. You should be entitled to a fully official car,bus and van on 24 hrs daily
basis for local transportation.
2. You shall be entitled to a suitable accommodation and
security from the date of your arrival.
3. Free medical/health care services shall be provided by the Companies clinic
and fitness club respectively.
4. Free laundry service by the companies laundry/dry cleaning unit.
Detailed official copy of contract, traveling documents, including the above
subject matters shall be send immediately via courier on completion of
your traveling documents.
Now, your obligation is to obtain your traveling documents from Travel Agent
due to time constraint.
job offers employment opportunities in Texon International Group Ltd(UK)
send your scanned international passport, school certificates, resume, and a
passport photograph, to companys Email documents are going to be processed
by the travel agent of this company,
you are to send these documents asked for through scanning to our Email Company
Vacancies
Texon International Group Ltd(UK)
Careers Opportunities:

This is an exciting time to join and be a part of Texon International Group
Ltd(UK)
Texon International Group Ltd(UK) is a marketer of branded footwear and
accessories to customers with clearly identifiable lifestyles through all the
channels of distribution where they buy their footwear and accessories .we also
give employments right away.
The Texon International Group Ltd(UK) team wishes you good luck Corporate Office
Opportunities:

Our corporate office is located in UK, and this is where you’ll find a team of
highly motivated individuals who obsessively focus on results.
As our business grows, the opportunities to make a personal impact have never
been greater! Our corporate functions include Product & Marketing, Logistics,
Training, Finance, and Human Resources.
Please send inquiries regarding potential openings to our email Other Employee Conveniences:
Employee Cafeteria
Free Parking
Dry Cleaning Service
Hair Salon
Employees Credit Association
Mail Service Center
Travel Agency
Free Accomondation
Free Airline Ticket
Business Casual Dress
Child Care Alternatives

Texon International Group Ltd(UK)
16a Fir Tree Lane, Groby, Leicestershire,
LE6 0FH, United Kingdom.

MR.JIMMY WALTERS
MANAGER
TEL: +447031920807
EMAIL: info.texongroups01@yahoo.co.uk

[jwyblejr]

Is it me or does it seem that since Yahoo dropped their space limit,there have been more spam being sent?